peabuckle

Friday, October 16, 2015

First Haircut!

Yesterday was a big day - Nico got his first haircut! Nico has never said that he didn't like his hair or wanted it cut. He liked his hair. Outside of Nico, I am probably the only one that loved his long, shaggy 'do.

A few weeks ago, Bode was complaining about his hair style (the lady really did a bad cut) and how he wanted another haircut. I explained to him that the only way to 'fix' the hair style was to get it cut super-short. Bode did not want to do that, but continued to complain about his hair. And then, Nico started chiming in about his own hair. "Mom, I reeeeally need a haircut!" Nico would whine like some desperate 13 year old fashionista begging to go to the mall. I would question him, because I felt that Bode was influencing Nico. But Nico maintained that he wanted his hair cut short.

So I made an appointment. And I have to say, his hair was looking particularly unkempt and gnarly on haircut day.

Is he looking at me like, "Please, woman, do something with my hair!"

I wasn't very emotional but I did tell the stylist that this is HIS FIRST HAIRCUT OMG PLEASE BE GENTLE AND I LOVE HIM SOOOOO MUCH. I also explained that since it was his first hair cut, I would have my big camera in her face the whole time and that I wanted every scrap of hair that she cut from his precious head. And then I took out a gallon-sized Ziploc bag from my purse to show her that I meant every.single.piece.of.hair. I told her that I was making a pillow out of Nico's hair as a memento. (just kidding)

Nico was great. He loved sitting in the "Lightning McQueen" car and watching "Cars" while the lady cooed about how sweet he is and how adorable. I snapped photos and watched the transformation.

The hair stylist cut off all the length before getting into the nitty-gritty styling.

The hair stylist asked me if I wanted a "big boy cut" or something else. I asked Nico, "A short haircut, right, Nico?" and he mumbled "Yeah," (still glued to "Cars"). She proceeded to cut and then said, "you know, you could keep some of that surfer-boy shag. I mean, he still has a lot of curl in his hair and it would be cute. And there's always time, Mom, for the big boy cut." So of course, I said, "Yes." And this is what he looks like now:

Nico is very happy. I love his haircut but I am having a hard time adjusting. My mind still pictures long-haired Nico. So when I see this short haired, darker-haired boy, I do a double-take. Also, I think he looks like Bode with the short 'do.

Everyone loves his new look. RWF was so happy when he saw that Nico (finally!) got his haircut. And everyone has complimented Nico on the new style. It's a big boost for Nico, and I love that he feels good about his new look.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

SEVEN!

Dear Bode,

Wow. I can't believe that we are here, starting your SEVENTH year. When you were a baby, Aunt Dawnie told me that this day would be here before I knew it. I remember when she told me, and me thinking something like, "Okay, stop. I don't need to think about him being 7 when he is just a baby in my arms. I love this guy so much RIGHT NOW and that's all I want to think about: NOW, not years from now." But here we are. (she was right)

You are emotional, artistic, happy, silly, and fair. You are up and down every 5 minutes emotionally, especially around me. You are prone to outbursts of shouting and tears when you don't get something the way you want it (the right shirt, a missing toy, a (wanted) drink...anything can set you off). You are particularly emotional around me. And I sometimes don't know how to deal, or don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal, with your frustration. I'm still learning. Seven years and I'm still figuring out how to react to your reactions. We have learned that you are indeed a growing boy and so most emotional outbursts are a cry for food or drink. Sometimes you can be sated with a snack or water. You have started at a new school where you go for hours longer than you ever have (in a classroom!). You are learning the new ways of a school and the people that inhabit it. I have to remember what a big day you've had: how you have sat, how you have 'lined up,' how you have listened and followed the rules. I have to remember that you are depleted by the time I pick you up from school. And yes, you have to let off some steam, and that is why I am here. I am the safe place. So instead of feeling annoyed, I should feel honored and loved.

In your down time, you love to color and paint. You work through so many reams of paper, and so much color, creating. You like to make up silly monster characters that are not mean or scary, but silly and happy. You like to make books and 'read' the stories to your family. You love to sing made-up songs and tell stories that are in your head. Most of them are silly and make me laugh.

You love your sister and brother. Most of the time, you all play together so well. You have stories to tell and your sister and brother follow the plot lines well. Sometimes, there are kicks and shoves in the back seat. Sometimes, you are tired and you like to annoy Gianna by leaning on her and repeating, "I'm so tired, I'm so tired," while she squirms and tries to push you off of her car seat. Sometimes you don't have respect for personal space. But you are always fair and you do what's right when it comes down to it. I'm proud of you for being a good person to your brother and sister.

You have lost...8 (?) teeth so far. You currently have 2 loose teeth and you're so happy to be 'ahead' of Gianna in the loose tooth department. Every time you smile, I'm blown away when I see those big teeth, front and center. Who is this big guy? When I swing Nico around, you say, "Swing me! Swing me!" and I have to tell you that you are too big for me to pick up. You are always sad when I say that to you. But you know what? -- it makes me more sad to tell you that I can't pick you up and swing you around anymore.

You did not want a birthday party this year. We have asked that you consider having a birthday party and you are thinking about it. I am hopeful that after a few more months in your new school, you will have a couple of friends and feel happy in your class.

You are entering the big leagues, my love. Seven just seems like a stepping stone to 10 to me, and I'm worried about how fast this is going to go. But what I do know is that you like to take things slow and easy. Hopefully the fast train on "7" in a new school won't be too hard on you. We love you so much and will do everything to help you stay the happy, smart, and peaceful guy that we love. Happy 7th birthday, Bode Wm.

Love,

Mommy

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Three

Dear Nico-baby,

Happy 3rd birthday! You are so much fun and so full of love. You make everyone you meet (and you've never met a stranger) happy. People love to stop and say Hello to you, and these people walk away with smiles and a lightness in their footsteps.

Your big brother loves to tell you stories and get your agreement on everything. "Right, Neec?" he will ask, and you will respond, "uh huh," whether you have an opinion or not. Your sister is a a big help to you, watching your every step and fastening your car seat buckle. Your dad laughs at your pronunciation of words because you sound like you still live in New York, saying "cawr," (car), "buttah," (butter), and "hod," (hard). You love running around your backyard and kicking the soccer ball around. You love soccer so much that we cheated and got you into a 3-5 year old class, instead of the 2-3 age group that you probably belonged in at the time of registration. But as I told the soccer coach, you've got 2 big sibs, and you act and move a lot older than most 2-3 year olds (that don't have sibs). This year, we went to an African drumming celebration, and this show left a big impression on you. You always ask me, "Mom, do you remember the drumming guys?" and I always say, "Yes, yes, I do," and you will start a "drumming" noise and make your own tune. "Tuka" is my special nickname for my little drummer boy. You like being called "Tuka," but if someone asks you your name, you will say, "Nico-baby." Yes, it is "Nico-baby," because your sibs will call you this, too. And you are still a baby in that you love to be carried in my arms (but you are getting too heavy!).

I love your love of life, and your easy smile. And your drumming? --that is the music of my heart. I love you, sweet boy. May your 3rd year be big and fun!

Mommy

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Priscilla

We said goodbye to Priscilla on Sunday, March 29. The void that she left is huge, and heart-breaking. WE LOVE YOU, P.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Less is more, and more is more

a recent impromptu picnic on a hike, a time that I remember feeling happy and not stressed!

Things have been incredibly busy around here. Crazy-busy. The kind of busy that makes me want to shout, "Stop! I want to get off this ride!" Our family has been humming along, but I (we) have felt the effects of too much. Too much activity, too much stress, too much...of everything.

For the children, I've cut all activities except school (ha!) and swimming. This swimming session ends in a few weeks, and I'm going to cut swim lessons to 1 time per week. The children enjoy being active but I can tell that they are tired. Bode is now 6, and I worry about how life is going to speed up for him, once he hits "real" elementary school. I want to keep things simple for him, for Gianna, and for Nico, for as long as I can.

For me, I am tired of feeling tired. My most common feeling, and my constant lament, is "I'm so tired." I'm tired of being such a drag, and feeling like I'm...dragging. I have yet to make a doctor's appointment for a check-up, but I will soon. I think things are catching up with me, again. It's difficult to move and go through the motions of moving. I think I go through the motions because I "have to" and then as a result, 6 months or so later, I crash and the effects of everything hit me. I'm finally starting to feel like we "live" here, and starting to imagine what that means for all of us, and what I want our life to "be" here. I am also carrying my mother around, dragging her death behind me. After my mom died, I went to a therapist, carrying baby Nico into the office with me each week. I didn't think I could continue seeing her, the therapist, because of everything else that was going on. I remember telling her that I had too much going on, both physically and mentally. I'll never forget her words: "You need to deal with this now, or it's going to come out later, in other ways." I shrugged it off at the time. But what she said was so true. It keeps happening: anger, sadness, etc. Yesterday I was laughing my head off with RWF about something, and an image of my mother's memorial popped into my head, and I started crying uncontrollably. "Why are you crying?" RWF asked, surprised at my abrupt swing. And I had to tell him that I thought of my mom (I didn't share the image). Did he understand? Probably not. I'm not being authentic, not to myself and not to anyone in my family. I need to deal. Grief is the worst.

We (RWF and I) have been under a great deal of stress about our living situation (i.e., the house). We have been struggling to find a house for our family. I've been unhappy where we are at, but it might just be the place to stay. This subject's a bore, so I won't go into the details. It's something that we need to resolve. There are other, more personal stressors involved, too.

That is one, and other, reasons I have not been updating the blog. It is the same (boring) issues and stressors. Thankfully, the children are doing great, and growing like crazy in all kinds of ways. I need to get back to recording their personalities and funnies. As far as the 52 project...I have been taking pictures weekly, but I have not been uploading them here. I cringe at the idea of trying to back-date all the photos in order.

We are making some changes around here. Hopefully, with the subtraction of some things, and the addition of some other things, life will be a bit more manageable. I hope to be back to recording our lives soon.

Happy weekend to you.
xo

Happy Birthday, Bode!

photo by Blue Lily

Dear Bode,

You are the big 6 years old now. Every day, we are amazed by your intelligence, sensitivity, and imagination. Every day, we enjoy your happy smile. The past 6 years have been such an incredible experience for me and Daddy. We are so lucky to have you in our family. You radiate a calm, happy energy. You're FUN and have an imagination that rocks!