Gianna's birthday party

Gianna had a Fabulous (capital F) birthday party with all of her school friends.  You can't tell from the pictures though.  The birthday girl refused to smile for me.  But it might have been that she was just too busy having fun to stop for photos.

We were almost late for our own party. Well, that's what I thought, anyway. But in reality, we got there 15 minutes ahead of the party start, which is exactly what we had planned.  Sure, we had to hustle, and maybe Nico isn't wearing socks, but we're all there, and I guess that's what matters!

Pre-party and stressing about the caaaaake and who all is coming. Because I'm not Martha and parties stress me out, even when they are being handled by someone else.  And I'm all, "I've got a gassy baby on my hip, who is going to take pictures? WHOOOOO?" and the girl behind the counter was all, "Hi, I can operate a camera." So I smushed everyone together for a pre-party family photo. And Gianna didn't smile in that one, either.

Tonight we are happy and tired. I'll report more tomorrow...like how horrible the cake turned out (the caaaaake a la Franck Eggelhoffer/Father of the Bride), but also why the cake really didn't matter because of how much fun was had by all.
xo

The weekend, a big change, and camp!

Shortly after joining his company and getting acquainted with his "team," RWF told me that he works with a lot of young people.  On Friday, we went to a picnic for RWF's department. At the picnic, I could see what he meant. He does have a lot of young people working with him, and I felt so old!  I actually thought, "So the tables have turned. I'm no longer the youngest at the office, bidding my old crow manager and his stodgy, Talbots-attired wife adieu when they depart from the company "forced fun event." Mais non.  This time, I am the old crow wife, clucking her tongue at her children, yet smiling brightly while greeting the young worker bees in RWF's department. Yikes! Reality sets in again.  RWF works with a lot of nice people!  I was happy to meet them and "enjoy" the hottest day of the year (!!!) with them. (Man, it was so hot. I threatened RWF several times that if we did.not.leave.this.minute....well, you know. In reality, we stayed until 7:30. It cooled down a bit after the sun started to set.)

Let it be known, that whenever I see Nico's little face, I think, "Oh, my love," and my heart folds itself up into a little origami something-or-other because I just can not get over this baby. He is so precious!

Bode is getting so big. He is definitely going on "5." Not that I really know what "5" is, but he is looking older, acting older, and talking older.  Now, I can no  longer placate him or stop undesirable behavior with a redirection. Now, when I try to placate or redirect behavior, he argues back or tells me "why" what I am saying or doing won't work. He is just too smart for me.  And it's not just personal things that he is smart about (smart alec, sometimes) but brain-smart, too.  The other day, RWF turned on a space program, and without any introduction at all, Bode announced, "Oh that is one of Jupiter's moons, Endura."  We sat in silence until the narrator of the show confirmed that yes, we were in fact looking at one of Jupiter's moons, Endura.  (Honestly, I can't remember if the moon was called "Endura" or what it is called. Look it up. Or ask smartypants Bode sometime. He'll tell you.)

"Hi, I'm 5 going on 42, and a future employee at NASA"

And as you know, Gianna is a big 3 year old. She does not like to be left alone so I have to accompany her to the restroom every time she goes, and she now insists that her closet light be turned on every night as a night light. But, she no longer sleeps with her baby dolls or animals. She sleeps alone in her crib, with just her Hello Kitty blanket. And every night, she tells me exactly what to do, as if I'm some amnesiac that is charged with putting her to bed every night:  "Put on my Hello Kitty blanket. Turn on my fan. Turn on my closet light. I want to see my pretty dresses. (channeling Vanna White, I dutifully open her closet door, with a flourish, and show her pretty dresses to her) Oh, so pretty! Give me my bah-bah and say Goodnight to me." She says all of this quickly, like an order, with barely a breath in between as I go through the paces. 

And now that I've written that, I wonder, does she miss our routine?  See, that has all changed, because on Sunday there was a big change to our routine.

On Sunday, RWF and I just bit the bullet and moved Gianna's crib into Bode's room.  A short 2 hours later, and the verdict was in: Gianna will be moving back into her own room! What happened was this:  to be expected, they were both soooo excited to be sharing a room that they couldn't sleep.  Bode let Gianna out of her crib TWICE, and accompanied her downstairs to check in with us over silly stuff, like, "Hey guys, Gianna needs to go potty." (oh really? )  I was occupied because I was nursing Nico to sleep. So RWF had to deal on his own. The second trip downstairs occurred around 8:30 PM, which is 1 1/2 hours past their bedtime.  And I was about to have a heart attack, thinking of them tripping and falling on the stairs as they made their way down in their giggly, wired, sleep-deprived state. I told RWF, "This will not do. I can not sleep knowing that they will be going up and down the stairs all night."  Luckily, RWF threatened them with immediate separation if they did not return to their beds and GO.TO.SLEEP!  It worked. 

And to be expected, they both got up at the crack of dawn (5 AM) and yes, walked downstairs and attempted to wake me up (and Nico!), but RWF intervened.

There are so many issues.  I am trying to put Nico down in the evenings after I put Bode and Gianna down for bed.  So if they continue these shenanigans during the week, I'm not going to be able to deal with the situation and put Nico to sleep.  Plus, there is still the whole frightening stair issue (Gianna does not go down the stairs without an adult holding her hand. The fact that she was walking down (and up) the stairs with Bode, who is not so stable himself, gives me heart palpitations!) And then there is of course the idea that Gianna has already lost a lot of sleep (over 1 night), and who knows how long she'll be able to go at this pace.

So. Miss Mia Gianna will most likely be back in her own room by the end of the week.  Hope that you enjoyed the mini sleep-over, kids!

9 AM and they are both already exhausted!

The two monkeys are back in camp this week. It will be the last week of camp before school starts.  Gianna was not so gung-ho this morning about returning to camp. It could be that she is tired from last night. Who knows.  She was fine when I left her.  

Is that snowman laughing at me?!

She did insist on wearing a snowman hair bow this morning. And I had to wonder, is that a statement, that, like her mother, she is so over this stupid, hot, humid Northeast summer, or is it a harbinger of things to come (snowy freeze-your-ass-off winter)? 

Happy Monday.

xo

Independence Day!

Over the July 4th weekend, Bode surprised me by riding his bike on his own!

I drove up in the car, and Bode was on the swing outside. I walked up to him and asked him what was wrong (because he looked upset).  He said, "nothing," and then asked me to help him ride his bike.  Well. I was tired and hot (having just returned from the grocery store - quelle nightmare!).  But seeing him look so down, I said, "Yes, of course!"  And I helped him on his bike.  When Bode's grandmother gifted him this big boy bike over a year ago, RWF immediately took the training wheels off.  So whenever Bode wants to ride the big boy bike, it requires an adult to hold the handlebars and the seat while Bode "rides" (sometimes pedaling, sometimes not).  

So, we walked around the driveway, with Bode getting the feel for the pedals.  And then he was smiling again!  He said, "Let go, Mommy."  I wasn't sure I had heard him. "What?" I asked.  He smiled, "Let go."  "Are you sure?" I asked.  "Let go, Mommy!"  So I did. And he rode on his own.  "Bode! You're doing it! Bode! You're riding by yourself!"  I couldn't believe it.  I was so happy and shocked.  He looked so happy.  I ran alongside him until he wanted to stop.  I looked at him and said, "I can't believe it."  He was still smiling, "What?"  I sighed and said, "I can't believe that you're riding a bike by yourself. I'm so proud of you!"  And then of course, I started crying.  I stared at him while my eyes filled up.  He looked concerned, "Why are you crying, Mommy?"  I told him that I was crying happy tears, and that I was crying because I was so proud of him for riding his bike. I stood there, with the sun beating down on us and my firstborn staring up at me. I thought about Bode as a baby, and I thought about milestones and events in his life. Some things that I can remember and others that I can not.  I wanted to remember this one.

Then, Bode took off again around the driveway.  I went to RWF and said, "Can you believe it?"  He looked incredulous, "Are you CRYING?"  "I just can't believe it...can you believe it?"  He shrugged, "Well, we've been practicing..."  

My boy is riding his big boy bike! Another milestone. Boom.

Go, Bode, go!!!

xo

One week left

Bode has one week of preschool and then he will done. Graduated. Over. Fini. Fin.

He has grown and changed so much this past year.  This past month. This past week. Today.

I have a ton of thoughts and lots of emotions about this year. And I keep telling myself, "You need to write this down."

But mainly?

I'm just happy to be with him. Happy to watch him grow. Happy to watch him be.

Happy Wednesday.
xo

What he wore

Bode dressed himself extra special yesterday.  I thought it would be fun(ny) to document what he wore, like the fashion mags do.

Helmet:  Giro

T-shirt: crewcuts

Shorts: Gymboree (actually PJs, part of a set)

Socks: Smartwool

Sneakers: Tsukihoshi

Bode has always had a bit of flair when dressing. I love the color combos that he comes up with to wear.  He is still into planets and space, so naturally he paired his planets PJ bottoms with these purple "moon & mountains" socks.  So chic! His t-shirt is one of my all-time favs, a benefit tee for Japan (with a red embroidered heart marking the sight of the 2011 tsunami).

You look FAB as always, Bode! 

xo

A conversation with Bode

Dear Bode,

Last night, we had the longest and most interesting talk we've had together in all of your four years.  We were reading in my bed like we always do, with you, Gianna and Nico in PJs.  I had just finished a book, "The Berenstain Bears Go on Vacation," and I was wrapping up for bed.  Out of the blue, you said, "I am very scared of sharks."  I paused, and quickly tried to find the "right" answer to this simple declaration.  I took a deep breath and agreed that sharks are pretty scary, and that I'm afraid of them, too.  Then I explained that we don't really have to worry about running into sharks, because they live deep in the ocean.  We talked at length about sharks, what they eat (people! you said) and how we could protect ourselves against sharks (live on land, visit the ocean in a submarine! I suggested).

You said, "I would be okay as long as I was with my family."  I agreed and said that we would be together.  This sparked another topic.  You shook your head and said, "No Mommy, remember that one time when I was very, very little, and you left me?"  Internally, I had alarms going off in my head. "When had I ever left him alone?" I wondered. I worried about permanent damage, scarring to your psyche.   I asked for clues. You said that you were walking up a very big hill and that I had walked off and left you. "Impossible!" I shouted gleefully.  No, you said, you left me ("you reft me") and "I was very scared." I thought a minute. "Was this in California?" I asked, thinking of all the big hills we walked in California. You shook your head No.  I tried to establish a timeframe.  "Was Gianna there?" I asked.  You looked off into the distance, as if the answer would appear in the air.  "Yes..." you said hesitantly "and Nico was in your belly."  I thought about this for a few minutes. Coming up with no scenarios where I had left you, I dismissed it with "It must have been a dream, baby. I would never leave you." You became upset and insisting, "You did,  you reft me arone and I was scared. I was calling for you but you would not hear me."  I thought about how scary this must have been for you. I hoped that it had just been a quick bad dream. But obviously it left an impression in your mind.

Then, you quickly shifted gears.  "Is it dark in your tummy?"  I blinked. What were we talking about again? Oh, is this a new subject? I told you that I didn't know for sure, but I thought it must be.  "Is it scary?" you asked. I thought of pregnancy. "Oh, are you talking about Nico?" I asked.  Yes, you were talking about Nico.  I explained that it wasn't scary because that is all you know as a baby. It's warm and hopefully, peaceful.  "But is it dark?" you asked. I said that I thought it depended on whether it was dark or light, depending on if I had on clothes, etc.  Then you made a face and said, "But it's yucky in there, right. All that food..."  I explained that Nico was in a different part of my tummy. It wasn't yucky (we have talked about food and digestion/waste) but it was probably noisy.  "Are there fun things in there?" you asked. I suppressed a giggle, thinking of a toy box loaded with "fun things" for a developing embryo to play with.  I replied that I didn't know. Then I had an idea. "You know what is in there?" "What," you asked.  "Water!" I smiled "It's like swimming. So it can be fun."  You thought about this and insisted that it's probably yucky in there, too. I pointed at Nico and said, "But look at Nico. He came out okay, right. So I think he was okay in there. And you were, too. And so was Gianna."  We talked a little bit more about my belly and how you "popped out" (your words) a long ("rong") time ago. You said, "I want to have a rook in there again. Can I rook in there?"  I explained that you probably couldn't look in my tummy. You became upset, insisting that you wanted to know what it's like.  Seeing no resolution to this request, I suggested that we go to bed. "You know what," I said, "I really enjoyed this conversation." Then I sat for a minute and stared at you. Your eyes were clear and light and a smile played on your lips while you talked. Your sister and brother were there, but it was almost like we were alone in the room, having our own private conversation. And I had this thought, "This little guy is growing up. This is our first real conversation and I never want to forget it."  I looked over at my phone on the nightstand, and considered reaching for it.  I could record the rest of this conversation. But then, I didn't want to break the spell. I left the phone alone and put all my focus on you. 

So that is why I am writing it down now. I wish I could record everything word for word. I wish I would remember this  conversation forever, as well as how you looked at that time.

I sat there, wanting to continue our conversation, but knowing that I needed to get your sister and  brother to bed.  I would love to know, if we could have sat there, just the two of us, how long we would have talked and what things we would have said.

I'm so looking forward to more thoughtful conversations with my big boy.

I love you.

Mommy

xo

Bode skis

Here is a short video clip of Bode skiing at West Mountain.  Today was a big day because he rode the lift for the first time!  This video was shot at the end of his class.  RWF joined him for a run down the hill.


Watch Bode ski here.