Tuesday

Gianna on her birthday last year

Our week officially starts on Tuesday, I think.  It seems like the official start to the week because the children start school on Tuesdays.  So Monday night is my "Sunday" night - full of dread and preparation for the week ahead.  I always thought that when I was older, that the Sunday night blues would magically go away, because then I wouldn't be facing a week of school and homework.  Au contraire! When you get older, it gets worse, because the Sunday night before school blues are replaced with the Sunday night before work blues.  And when you have children, you just multiply the work by how many children you have and there you are...it never ends.

School lunches have been easy.  I'm lucky, because I have easy eaters.  I have found the magic formula for Bode and Gianna and make the same lunch almost every day.  There have been little complaints. In fact, they are pretty matter-of-fact about what I should not pack, and will tell me in their 'lunch review' after school.  "Mom, don't pack me bananas," Bode might say, "only blueberries."  And Gianna will tell me, "I don't want celery sticks, only carrots."  Easy.  But still, every Tuesday morning, I'll be sitting down, enjoying a much-needed cup of coffee when "lunch boxes" seizes me.  I abandon my hot coffee and start to work on lunches:  a Sunbutter sandwich for Bode, blueberries, and pretzels.  For Gianna: a cheese wrap (shred ched in a tortilla) or pasta salad (rotini pasta, olive oil, peas, and Parm), black olives, Goldfish crackers, and (sometimes) carrots.  

It is time for school re-enrollment for the children, and I'm at a loss.  Their current teacher has emailed me a few times, asking me when we can sit down and do the contract signing.  Last night, as part of my dreaded Sunday/Monday night before school dread, I summoned the courage to reply to her email. I told her that we are not settled and are looking for a new home. I told her that while I love the school, I can't sign a contract until I know where we will live. It was hard to send that email, but I'm glad that I did.  Maybe this will help move us in the right direction (whatever direction that will be). We are looking at two schools: Bode and Gianna's current school and another school that will require a move. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm searching for a new house.  I feel at the 'whim' of something outside myself, maybe the real estate market. It's not a peaceful place to be, feeling like you're at the mercy of something almost intangible.  A bunch of decisions can be made once we figure out where we live.  

Gianna's teacher wants to do a home visit and discuss all-things-Gianna with me.  Unfortunately, I have little interest in this discussion right now, because I don't know if she'll even be around for Gianna in the coming school year.  Isn't that horrible?  While I welcome the chance to discuss my daughter, and hear her teacher's insights, I feel like it is fleeting and unnecessary, especially when there are so many other things I can spend time doing.  (I know that there is nothing of concern to address, as her teacher has already assured me that Gianna is doing beautifully!). And speaking of Gianna, I would like to do my own little update.  I feel like with Nico being "the baby" and Bode having many issues these days, I have ignored my precious snowflake Gianna. So tomorrow I will provide some thoughts on what Miss Mia is all about these days.

Stay tuned!

xo

Crafting her heart out

Mia Gianna spent a whole afternoon last week crafting Valentines for her friends and family.  

I helped her by cutting out hearts and writing her messages.  While she was crafting, I took pictures of her. I tried not to laugh as more and more marker got on her little hands, and on the end of her nose!  It was also so sweet to watch her use little mannerisms, like flipping her hair, or holding her chin in her hands and sighing as she thought about something. It was lovely watching this little girl put so much thought and attention into each card.

The design of each card, the colors picked, the sizes of the hearts, were all her ideas.  Each time that she started a new card, she would announce who the card was for, and then she would spend a long time coloring and crafting the card. After she finished all of her Valentines, I put them all out on the dining room table to dry.  We looked at them together, and I admired how she had made each one different. I told her that everyone is going to be so happy when they open the mail and find a Valentine from her.  She beamed, pleased with this news (and maybe, with herself).

Sadly, I have not put them in the mail. The snow we got this weekend kind of put a halt to my usual routines, like shopping and errands.  I am going to put them in the mail tomorrow.  Please know that Gianna made these Valentines with so much love, and I'm so sorry that I'm lazy and couldn't mail them on time!

Happy Tuesday.

xo

PS Bode made only one Valentine, for "the white-haired Grandma" (as he says). So Nana should feel extra special when she opens her mailbox and finds an envelope from Bode Wm! xo

Gianna's last day of school

Today we said goodbye to Miss Amy, Gianna's teacher.  It was very hard!  It was very hard for me.  Gianna doesn't seem affected by it.  She doesn't understand that she won't see Miss Amy again. I tried to talk to her this morning on the way to school, about saying goodbye but she quickly became bored with the conversation.

Miss Amy and I cried, giving each other hugs.  And then Miss Amy kneeled down and hugged Gianna one last time, saying, "Goodbye, sweet Gianna, I will miss you so much!" We promised to "keep in touch" as people often say in these hard farewells.

sigh.

This little girl has no idea how much her world is changing.  Hopefully she'll handle it well.

When I picked Bode up this afternoon from school, his teacher pulled me aside for a quick chat. She asked that I arrive 15 minutes early on Friday. She told me that the class will sing a "goodbye song" to Bode. She concluded, "Nothing overwhelming, just a little song to send him on his way. I don't want to make him emotional." "Or me,"  I retorted "You don't want to make me emotional."  She kind of laughed, looking surprised at my response.  Oh Miss Lynn, if only we had more time together, you would know that this is no laughing matter.

Friends, I'm now dreading Friday afternoon! 

Happy Tuesday Wednesday.
xo

Moving

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our New York family...who will soon really be just our family living in New York...as we will not be....

Okay. See the above ramble? Does this make any sense? This is how I've been talking lately:  wildly long-winded, confusing, fragmented, emotional/dramatic.

We are moving.

There. I said it.

It has been so difficult to talk about the move.  When I 'fessed up to Bode and Gianna's teachers over a month ago (yes), I rambled so much that Bode's teacher looked completely perplexed.  And when I  (finally) finished my long winded narrative with the simple, declarative, "We are moving,"  she actually looked relieved, like, "Oh! Finally! I understand!"  With Gianna's teacher, I walked up to her and couldn't even speak. She could see the emotions all over my face. Luckily, Miss Amy is a dear one, and treated me much  like her 3 year old charges. She gave me a big hug, sat me down on a nearby bench, and told me to tell her everything.  I told her everything,  tears brimming, while she nodded sympathetically and rubbed my back. We both cried.

Sigh.

There is so much I have come to love about here, that I am going to miss so much.

And everything is just moving so fast.  

I have had a really difficult time talking about it (see above).

Today, the movers came and packed up our house in record time.  They arrived at 7:30 and left at 1:30.  They still have a lot to do, but they got the majority of our precious life belongings stuff boxed up and ready to go.  Tomorrow, they will  return to find that I have opened 3 boxes, removed the contents of 2 boxes, and have added a considerable amount of stuff, in piles, to be boxed (things I thought I'd donate/toss, but emotion prevailed).

Since we have begun this move discussion with the children, we have made a conscious effort to be very slow, very forgiving, very informative about life these days, what we are doing and what is happening (and not happening).  But today, when they came home and saw our walls lined with boxes, it must have overwhelmed them. Oh, so this is what it means, I can imagine them thinking. But what can they understand, really? We've tried to talk about things from moving our stuff in a big truck to flying in an airplane. But they won't get it all ("moving") in one piece. It will be a long process for them. So we are trying to take it slowly and explain everything. Sometimes we have to have the same  Q&A each time we do something. But that's okay. I can't imagine how this must seem to them, when I am so emotional and confused myself.

This afternoon, Gianna was incredibly screechy and moved to tears over seemingly random things.  Bode, since Thanksgiving, has been very quiet, off to himself, but then also squishy about hugs and love. He will announce, "I want a hug," and come over to me for one.  

This morning, Bode asked me what he was made of and I drew a blank. "Um,  you're made of...Bode." I answered as I buttered his toast, and thought about the million-and-one things I needed to do before the movers arrived.  "I don't want to be made of Bode!" he sputtered. "I want to be made of love!"  I dropped the knife and ran over to him, "Oh honey, of course you are! You are, you are, you are! You are made of love! Absolutely!" We hugged, sitting on the kitchen floor for a long time while I repeated, "You ARE made of love. You are, you are..." When he was convinced of my answer, he asked me what love is made of.  I told him that it is a golden, twinkly light that shines all around us and lives in us. "Is it weak, or is it strong?" he asked.  I thought about this, and then answered, "It is gentle, like when you are sad and you get a hug. It is soft, like when you are sleepy and cozy in your bed."  Then I thought of my mom and a recent dream I had, and added, "But it is also strong. So strong that you feel like it could knock you down. It is like a waterfall, just pouring over you."

I have to remember to love these babies, love RWF, and love myself through this.

The deets:

We are moving to Portland, Oregon.

We are moving soon.

We have a rental house.

We have a school. 

We are excited, nervous, hopeful and...sad. 

More details later.
Happy week to all.
xo