Aunt Melinda and Thanksgiving

Bode 2010

Gianna 2010

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!  I am super excited today.  I went to the grocery store and bought all my Thanksgiving food. Tomorrow, my dear sister Melinda arrives!  I can't wait to see her!

It is a holiday near and dear to my heart. One, because I love Thanksgiving. Two, because my mom and sister always visited during Thanksgiving. My mom (and sister) would cook the entire Thanksgiving meal in our tiny, sparsely equipped kitchen - no easy feat! But my mom did it, wonderfully and without complaint.  Bode was just 7 weeks old on his first Thanksgiving, and my mom and Melinda were there.  They were also there for Gianna's first Thanksgiving, too. And, Melinda will be here for Nico's first Thanksgiving, too! I have many happy memories of Thanksgiving in California, mainly because my mom and sister were with us.  

Last night, I talked to Bode and Gianna about Aunt Melinda visiting. We talked about what we will do (go to Starbucks, Congress Park, the park...) and what we would eat for Thanksgiving (turkey, brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, etc.).  Bode and Gianna are excited for Aunt Melinda to visit, too.

This year, it is going to be sad without my mom.  But I am so happy that my sister will be here with me! 

Melinda and Gianna 2010

I'm so excited to see Melinda tomorrow!

xo

The weekend in pictures

Our weekend was quiet and family-based, just like I like it. "That's the way, uh huh, uh huh. I like it. Uh huh, uh huh"(K.C. and the Sunshine Band, in case you are wondering) (and no, I'm not feeling very much into dancing to disco music. But it did pop into my head.)

RWF and I had a wonderful date night on Friday.  We were literally driving downtown when I decided on the restaurant (remember, we had two reservations because I couldn't make up my mind).  I said, "I'm feeling Beekman Street, not Maestro's." and RWF replied, "I know that you're feeling it..." (probably because I kept talking about its menu). So that's where we went.  And let me tell you, it did not disappoint.  Every bite, I had an audible reaction, "Mmmm..." or "Oh my gawd..." I hate it when I am eating with people and someone else does this, so I really should not do it myself. I did control myself a little. But sometimes, the food is so good that you can't help but show your appreciation! The food was incredibly delicious, fresh, and sourced from local farms (hooray!).  I loved our waiter, who answered my million questions and never looked annoyed, or over at his other tables distractedly. He answered all my questions or would run back to the kitchen to get the answer from the chef (at one point, RWF joked to him, "Next, she's going to want the farmers' names, and the names of their dogs...."). I loved sitting in a quiet, intimate setting across from RWF.  RWF always wants to have serious conversation.  He doesn't care about the Grammys, the latest celeb gossip or whether I should cut my hair. He wants to talk about The Future and Make Plans. So we did a little of that. Mainly, we just enjoyed good food together.  After reviewing the past year, we both figured out that our last real date night was....(drum roll)...when I was pregnant with Gianna!  Isn't that crazy? It was early summer, and I was a very big and very hungry (pregnant) date. We remembered that we have been out together one other time, an evening fundraiser that did not qualify as a "date" or quiet time together. So now we plan to make date nights a monthly thing. Hooray!

The only downside was I came home and discovered that my babysitter does not do dishes.  I wrote her a check and sent her on her way after getting the full report on Bode and Gianna. Then I walked into the kitchen to discover that every dinner dish, utensil, cup and bottle used while we were away was sitting on the counter, waiting to be washed or put into the dishwasher. It was such a bummer.

Isn't she pretty in pink

Saturday we (finally) hung a curtain over the ugly mini blind in Gianna's bedroom. I picked out a pink ruffled cotton, and it gives her room this warm, almost psychedelic pink haze all day. It is beautiful (or, at least I think so).  Gianna seems to like it, too.  It also makes her room a touch darker, which is great for naptime.

Babylein and her dada share chopsticks fun

Saturday evening, we ordered Thai in, and it was delicious.  I ate a whole order of Pad Thai by myself, save for a small spoonful I doled out to each of my other family members. Bode ate all the spring rolls. RWF ate most of the yellow curry and rice. Gianna ate bits and pieces of everything.  After dinner, she sat in a big chair by RWF and played with my empty container and one chopstick (Note: I didn't eat out of the container! I just set it on the table when I realized I was about to just finish off the whole order, so why keep walking back to the counter to refill my plate?).  At one point, I looked over at Bode and I swear I could see a visible change in him since he started preschool. While we cleaned up the take-out and the kitchen mess, Bode danced around with his baby blanket. He eventually asked me to knot it around him, and ended up wearing it as a dress.

After a bath, Bode asked me to knot his baby blanket again, and then he put it on his head. I said that he looked like he was a bride, wearing a veil. But he corrected me. "I'm a doctor!" he insisted.  He went to bed, still wearing the veil. An hour later, I would run upstairs and check on him, fearing suffocation or strangulation. The veil was still perfectly attached to his sweet head while he slept. I pulled it off.

The bride

The doctor

Gianna is (suddenly) enjoying story time before bed.  After a bath, we all pile into our bed with books.  She immediately lays her head on a pillow, drinks her "ba-ba" and listens to the story. It is such a nice, recent change in her.  I can't remember when Bode started really enjoying books. I just remember that I read with him from day one, and he always seemed to enjoy it.  I don't ever remember him being uninterested in books, or completely flat-out refusing to look at a book (like the Mia Gia has). I just remember him sitting with me and studying everything with those big blue eyes. But maybe I am forgetting. Maybe it is a development, age-appropriate thing.

The doctor and lovebug enjoying story time.

Sunday was spent unpacking my hospital bag, cleaning and enjoying family time. My method of dealing with the hospital bag that I loathe: I dumped it upside down, everything fell out on the floor and then I quickly sorted it into the dry cleaning pile or (literally) threw it into my closet (my closet is another post all to itself). We also packed RWF's suitcase for his trip.  I stuck some Valentine treats into his suitcase when he wasn't looking. Then we all played outside together.  It was super windy and cold, so we didn't last long.  I made a delicious "enchilada lasagna" for dinner. This was a new recipe, and I  used it because of the ingredients I had on hand. Bode helped me prep everything and then put it all together. After we put the "lasagna" in the oven, he decided that his green bowl would make a great hat.  

Disclaimer: no food was put into this bowl after he put it on his head!

Bode was beyond tired by Sunday afternoon, challenging us on everything and crying easily over much.  I think he was exhausted by preschool, and then ski lessons on Sunday just wiped him out.  He was in bed by 6:30 on Sunday.  We didn't hear a peep from him until 7:30 the next morning.

Do you see the heart shadow on the wall?  Do you see the beautiful, round, stripey baby belly?

And that was our weekend.  Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have mixed emotions.  The "heart" part of Valentine's makes me wince and think about my mother.  And yet, my mom loved celebrating holidays.  She was a big kid, in that she loved decorating for, and celebrating, all holidays. I got really sad checking the mail this past week. I know that my mom would have sent us all Valentines, a lot of chocolate for me, and something special for Bode and Gianna. I want to celebrate because I know that is what she would want me to do. Ever since Bode was a baby, I have told RWF that we will celebrate holidays. This is because I have great memories of holidays, even every day occasions, being made special by my mom. I want to do the same for our babies. Celebrating holidays makes a few days out of the month more fun. Why not?!! Life is hard. Why not enjoy the little things when you can.  I have some Valentine surprises for the babies.  I also plan to make cupcakes or sugar cookies with Bode Wm., my little sweetheart/sous-chef, tomorrow. 

xo

Tomorrow: Preschool

Bode's first art class. He is 18 months.

It happened quickly. It had to. If you give me an inch, I will take a mile.  And with the subject of Bode starting preschool, it could have easily dragged into his 4th or 5th year.  Easily.

A couple of weeks ago, we had toured, and liked a school. The admissions director had met all of us, and the preschool teacher had observed Bode. I had spoken with the preschool teacher a couple of times, asking various questions, and I liked her. I liked her responses and I liked her approach to kids, to Bode. So RWF and I had officially decided on a school.  We received Bode's acceptance letter on Monday (yes! an acceptance letter into a preschool!).  We also received a mountain of paperwork to fill out - emergency card, health record, allergy info, etc., along with the contract.  I started filling it out Tuesday night, begrudgingly.  I stalled on some of the stuff that required me to actually think, or look something up (insurance info, date of last dental check-up, etc.).  Tuesday night, I mentioned to RWF that I had started on the paperwork because I knew he was wondering where I was in the process.  He casually asked if Bode might start school on Thursday (a date we had tossed around with the admissions director).  "I don't know," was my vague, guarded reply.

This afternoon I had an unexpected phone call from the admissions director.  "I was wondering if we were going to see Bode in class tomorrow?" she chirped. Her question actually ended  more in exclamation, or a statement, and was not actually a question. Really, she does not chirp.  She has a very calm, controlled, almost stern, speaking voice - perfect for an admissions director of a school.  She is very nice, but I do have a hard time addressing her by her first name, and not by "Mrs. M-" But this may be my upbringing as well. As a child, I was never allowed to address an adult by his or her first name. As an adult today, I still  have a hard time not referring to a lot of adults, peers, that I meet as, "Mrs. -" or "Mr. -" So her question, or statement, surprised me. 

I was sorry that I answered my phone. 

I was caught off guard with her question. Would Bode be attending school tomorrow?  Would he? I wondered.  And then I had a flash of possessiveness, and wanted to demand, "Did RWF put you up to this?!!"  Because I know all too well how RWF is more than ready for Bode to attend school, so much so that he has even joked that he will send a Town Car to pick Bode up and take him there if I do not do so myself.  And at that moment, I could see RWF taking a break from a meeting and sneaking a call to Mrs. M- and asking her to please, press her a little. just give her a call and remind her of what we discussed about Bode starting Thursday...

I sighed. I looked at Bode lying on the floor, surrounded by his cars.  I thought about how much he needs to hang out with friends his own age, to figure things out on his own, how he needs more than his cars to keep him entertained throughout the day, how he needs more than...me. So I agreed that Bode would in fact attend school tomorrow.  And then my heart folded in on itself and I started to cry.  I watched Bode closely for the rest of the afternoon. I would rush up to him and squeeze him really hard in a big hug.  I suggested that we make cookies.  We spent an hour making some cookie bars and then eating the topping off them before they had even cooled.

I thought about all the things that I wanted to do with him, and how there is no more time. I am out of time. I want to wail, "I have lost my mother and my son!" And really, at that moment, that is what it felt like. First, my mom. It is too late for "Mom, do you want to go shopping? How about if we go to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch?"  And now, Bode. It is too late for "Bode, do you want to go to the park?"  How about if we watch the Cars movie again?"  I am out of time. Two huge hits.

I know. I know that I am being dramatic.  But I do feel like I am losing my happy little guy.  Just think: he has been with me, and me alone, almost every day of his little life, save for 2 days when I was in the hospital for Gianna's birth, and 4 days when I was in the hospital watching my mother slowly die.

Three years of having Bode all to myself.  And now, everything changes.

And things will change.

RWF counseled me some this afternoon, over the phone, while he was in between meetings at work. I balked at everything that he said. He reminded me that Bode goes to ski lessons every weekend that last just as long as preschool (Yes, I know, I thought, but you are with him.).  He reminded me how most of my mom friends in California have already been doing this for a couple of years (Yes, I know, I thought, but I am not like them. I love my son more than anything, and do not want to- or have to-  hand him over to some stranger for safe-keeping and some wild kids for bad influences while I get my nails done or work-out. He is like my right arm. I need him with mememememe.).  He reminded me that this is just two hours, two days a week (Yes, I know, I thought, but I will not be with him.).  

I worry about all the things that Bode can not do by himself. Things that he might have to do on his own in preschool.  He does not know how to undo his jacket, or take off his shoes, without assistance.  I know that the teacher won't let him sit, sweating his body weight out, in a hat, jacket and snow boots for two hours. But I do worry about how long it will be before the teacher notices his need to be freed from outdoor gear. Bode is still potty training. I worry that the teacher is going to quickly resent Bode's need for assistance in the bathroom. Bode doesn't drink from a cup or cut food himself. Bode doesn't do this...Bode doesn't do that...I can think of a million situations where he might need me.  I know he will not be alone.  But I do worry about him being 'stuck' while he waits for the teacher's attention, or worse, gets into a precarious situation simply because I am not there watching out for him.   

And yes, a lot of this (all of this?) is about memememe.  I am missing out the most. And I do understand that this is for Bode. That this is what Bode needs and deserves.  And that is why I agreed that Bode will start preschool tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

xo