Outtakes

We had a lovely Thanksgiving with our New York family.  The food was delicious, but being with family was the best part.  Bode really enjoyed being surrounded by so much love and attention.  I enjoyed seeing my children spend time interacting with their family! And I loved seeing everyone that I haven't seen in a few years.  Hard to believe that time goes so fast. It was a great day with family...a perfect Thanksgiving.

But we are oh-so-tired from the move!  It has been a lot harder than we ever imagined. It has physically and mentally worn us out.  Bode, Gianna and I are all sick with snotty noses and coughs. We spent the rest of the holiday weekend in recovery mode. I tried to catch up on sleep.  During nap times, I would run out and grab a coffee.  I love my children dearly, but I am in need of a break. I need time alone.

Not one for "down time," Bob spent the weekend working on the house. He unpacked a lot of boxes (thank you!) and organized the too-chaotic-to-live-in messes so that they were semi-liveable.  I did manage to unpack the living room.  But there is still a lot to be done.

The one project that is really pressing me is Christmas cards.  I take Christmas cards very seriously.  I want the right photo to send out to all of our friends and family. And this year, I am feeling the need to capture the photo that says, "Whew! We made it!"  This year has been a crazy, hard year.  And I am so very thankful that we are ending it on a high note.  And I want our holiday card to say, "Yes, it is ending on a high note. And we thank you all for your love and good wishes and send it right back to you." A high note!

Today I pulled out the camera and I asked the babies to say "cheese."  But things weren't going my way. As I've witnessed in other photo sessions, getting two babies to look the same way and smile is almost impossible.  And when you throw a dog into the mix, forget it!  I felt like I was running a three-ring circus.  I was pulling my hair out trying to get these monkeys to smile for me.

And then the morning light disappeared. My window had closed. Witnessing my frustration, Bob invited Bode, Gianna and Priscilla outside for some play time.  I stomped around the house, irritated and depressed, thinking that we should just forget about the photo completely this year. I hung up Gianna's dress and Bode's outfit, and put the camera away (after reviewing the snaps I'd taken to verify that yes, these would not do). After I calmed down, I put on my shoes and looked out the window.  And what did I see?  I saw Bob with his camera, trying to snap the right photo of Bode, Gianna and Priscilla outside.  He had Bode, Gianna and Priscilla all sitting closely in front of a Christmas-y looking pine.  This is why I love this man! He is so great. He tries so hard to help me.   I joined them outside, but we didn't take any more photos. Instead, we did what we came out for: we played. We ran around our new yard, climbed a tree, and played tag.  Bode doesn't get the concept of "tag, you're it" yet. Instead of running away from the person that is "it," Bode runs toward him. It is pretty funny.  I even lowered my stance on "no juice!" this weekend and both babies enjoyed a juice box treat after the fun. (They have been sick, and I am all for liquids - any liquids - right now. I think Gianna went to sleep with a bottle of apple juice Thanksgiving eve!). 

So things weren't going my way this morning.  I will keep trying.  Hopefully I'll get that photo! If you don't receive a holiday card from us this year, then you'll know why.
I'm joking!
xo

So happy together

Wow.  It has been such a crazy couple of weeks.  And I think it's only going to get crazier through the Fall. Speaking of Fall, its official date is just around the corner (23rd)!  Yay, Fall!

Today I went to the photographer's to proof and select the photos. Those photographers, what creative marketers! Actually, what an easy market to sell: photos of loved ones. But this photographer had a really slick set-up. So I walked into the office, and they had a huge photo of Bode and Gianna projected up on the wall.  I gasped.  The receptionist sat me down on a couch facing the projection and explained that we were going to view a slide show. After the slide show, we'd go through the photos again, more slowly, so that I could edit down to what photos I wanted.  Has anyone done this?  It was so much fun.

So the slide show starts and so does the music.  I swear, I heard the first note/key/whatever of this song and my eyes welled. I turned to her and warbled, "No. Do not do this. Seriously. I can't. I will be bawling and won't be able to see any of the photos if you play this song."  It was Iz's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," one of my absolute favorites of all time.  His voice is so beautiful and haunting and makes me sad, in a happy way.  And to hear it with photos of my babies projected before me? I was about to lose it emotionally.

So she tried another song.  "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler.  Seriously?  What is going on here?  That is my dad's song.  Please don't do this to me.  Once again, I told her to not play it. I explained that no music at all would be better for me, because I'm in a really emotional space right now.  (she was probably thinking, "freeeeak!")  She said, "Okay. I will play something happy for you." And I repeated, "No music is better, really."  Instead, she played this song.  And it put a happy vibe on the show.  But I didn't really hear it, because I was so focused on the images of Bode and Gianna before me. (But the song played in my head all day. Bob and I sang it aloud to the babies while they splashed in the bathtub tonight.)

First, I just sat and enjoyed the slide show. The second round, I was much more critical. As I feared, the photos were not that great of them together. One shot would be good of one of them, and the other one would be looking weird.  I  edited very quickly. I stood up and as the images scrolled, almost barked out the orders, "No. No. No. Yes. Maybe. No. No. Yes."  I actually felt proud when she said, "I like you, Heather. You know what you want."  I wish that Bob had been there to hear her say that. He would never believe it. I am usually so indecisive, and (continually) second-guess any decision that I make.

Yesterday, after days and days of deliberation, I made the decision to not join Bob in Berlin.  It was a very hard decision to make.  My reasons for not going are many.  One of the reasons is that I think Bob should be focused on work while in Berlin. I'm afraid that if I am there with the babies, he will be concerned/distracted by my and the babies' issues while we are acclimating to Berlin. Another reason is, I feel selfish taking the babies to Berlin. I feel like they should stay home while we still have this home available. I feel like their routines should stay routine. I feel like I should keep things as simple as possible for them. Soon things are going to be different. Soon we will be traveling. Soon we will be finding a new "home" and establishing new routines.

But after I made the decision to stay here, I didn't feel any better about having finally made a decision. In fact, I felt incredibly sad. Shouldn't we all be together? I will miss Bob.  The babies will be without their daddy. This will be hard on all of us. Did I make the right decision? I don't know.
xo

Start your engines

This morning, Bob went out on a long bike ride. It is the one and only thing that he does for himself on the weekends. While Gianna napped, Bode rode his bike up and down the driveway.  Then he and I branched out, rolling down our neighborhood street. When he is on his bike, his whole being just exudes happiness and confidence. 

Then Bob rode up. Bode absolutely loved that he and Bob met up on their bikes in the street.  They bumped front tires in greeting, talked about their helmets, and then "raced" home together.

Later, Bode and I drove downtown for a Starbucks run.  As we pulled into our square, I noticed that the main street was blocked off to traffic.  I parked, and we went to investigate why the street was cordoned off.  To Bode's good fortune, it was a car show!  And not just any car show, but a Corvette car show.  We delayed our Starbucks order. We walked up and down the street, admiring the cars and listening to a live band sing about a brown eyed girl.

Three long blocks, lined up and down with Corvettes!

Dancing to the "mooosic"



Mommy's fav in "jewel blue"



My favorite car in the show was an old convertible Corvette. I think it was a 1961 model.  It had original paint, which was called, "jewel  blue."  Isn't that a great name?  Did I mention it is for sale?  My birthday is near.

In the afternoon,  I decided that we would go to our little ice cream shop for a treat.  We drove downtown, and  we arrived to find that the car show was still going on.  So we trekked up and down three blocks again, looking at the Corvettes on display. We decided that it was too close to dinnertime for ice cream. We opted to go to the park instead.

My iPhone is super slow.  Bob told me that I need to dump all 1,874 photos stored on my iPhone in order to free up some memory.  The idea of deleting the photos off my iPhone makes me sad.  It is a source of comfort to me. I usually look through my photos several times a day, and always once before I go to sleep. It tells me a happy story of my little family, starting with Bode around 18 months, Gianna's birth, and the present day. It is the perfect fairy tale to put me to sleep.

xo