No joke....

I am ready for the rain to stop. But we still have plenty of showers in April, May, June...and for all the days to come!  I do have to say that the Spring flowers around here have been wonderful. Lots of Daffodils, Tulips, and other blooms that I have not yet identified are springing up (ha!) all over town.  There is a flowering tree in our corner whose white flowers have already fallen from one of many downpours.  The white blooms look like snow from a distance.  

I am told by locals that it does not warm up here until June.  I am disappointed to hear this news. But then, I think of our friends and family in the East and the loooong winter they have had, and I think, "Well..."  Hopefully we all will get to enjoy a nice (dry) Spring and Summer soon!

My energy and mood have been so down lately.  I don't know if it's the weather, life, or something else.  I've been so cranky and everything (every.little.thing.) is driving me crazy.  I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for a check-up.  Maybe I need more iron or something (I am taking Vitamin D as well as other supplements). If all checks out well, then I'm turning to booze.  

I joke! Happy April Fool's Day!

Okay, not funny. But I hope that your corner is a little sunnier today.

xo

So happy together

Wow.  It has been such a crazy couple of weeks.  And I think it's only going to get crazier through the Fall. Speaking of Fall, its official date is just around the corner (23rd)!  Yay, Fall!

Today I went to the photographer's to proof and select the photos. Those photographers, what creative marketers! Actually, what an easy market to sell: photos of loved ones. But this photographer had a really slick set-up. So I walked into the office, and they had a huge photo of Bode and Gianna projected up on the wall.  I gasped.  The receptionist sat me down on a couch facing the projection and explained that we were going to view a slide show. After the slide show, we'd go through the photos again, more slowly, so that I could edit down to what photos I wanted.  Has anyone done this?  It was so much fun.

So the slide show starts and so does the music.  I swear, I heard the first note/key/whatever of this song and my eyes welled. I turned to her and warbled, "No. Do not do this. Seriously. I can't. I will be bawling and won't be able to see any of the photos if you play this song."  It was Iz's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," one of my absolute favorites of all time.  His voice is so beautiful and haunting and makes me sad, in a happy way.  And to hear it with photos of my babies projected before me? I was about to lose it emotionally.

So she tried another song.  "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler.  Seriously?  What is going on here?  That is my dad's song.  Please don't do this to me.  Once again, I told her to not play it. I explained that no music at all would be better for me, because I'm in a really emotional space right now.  (she was probably thinking, "freeeeak!")  She said, "Okay. I will play something happy for you." And I repeated, "No music is better, really."  Instead, she played this song.  And it put a happy vibe on the show.  But I didn't really hear it, because I was so focused on the images of Bode and Gianna before me. (But the song played in my head all day. Bob and I sang it aloud to the babies while they splashed in the bathtub tonight.)

First, I just sat and enjoyed the slide show. The second round, I was much more critical. As I feared, the photos were not that great of them together. One shot would be good of one of them, and the other one would be looking weird.  I  edited very quickly. I stood up and as the images scrolled, almost barked out the orders, "No. No. No. Yes. Maybe. No. No. Yes."  I actually felt proud when she said, "I like you, Heather. You know what you want."  I wish that Bob had been there to hear her say that. He would never believe it. I am usually so indecisive, and (continually) second-guess any decision that I make.

Yesterday, after days and days of deliberation, I made the decision to not join Bob in Berlin.  It was a very hard decision to make.  My reasons for not going are many.  One of the reasons is that I think Bob should be focused on work while in Berlin. I'm afraid that if I am there with the babies, he will be concerned/distracted by my and the babies' issues while we are acclimating to Berlin. Another reason is, I feel selfish taking the babies to Berlin. I feel like they should stay home while we still have this home available. I feel like their routines should stay routine. I feel like I should keep things as simple as possible for them. Soon things are going to be different. Soon we will be traveling. Soon we will be finding a new "home" and establishing new routines.

But after I made the decision to stay here, I didn't feel any better about having finally made a decision. In fact, I felt incredibly sad. Shouldn't we all be together? I will miss Bob.  The babies will be without their daddy. This will be hard on all of us. Did I make the right decision? I don't know.
xo

Friday play date (or photos of Gianna standing in the park)

We went to the Friday play date at the park for Gianna's play group.  I spent my time watching Gianna pull up on various things and stand.  And then occasionally I would panic, thinking, "Oh! I have another child! Where is he?"  I would scan the park worriedly until I found him, climbing the play  structure or sitting in the sandbox playing "construction" with some other kids.  That's about it. Here are some snaps of the standing baby:

On Tuesday, I took the babies to get photos taken at a studio.  I want this to be an annual thing. It is mainly for me.  I love the professional shots of all of us from last year.  Looking at the photos from last year, I am reminded of how tiny and perfect Gianna was, how newly-2-year-old Bode had the most innocent, adorable outlook on everything, and how Priscilla (and Kelly) is a part of this family.  At this photo session on Tuesday, I had the babies in coordinating outfits. I didn't want matchy-matchy, but as you know, in a nice photo, coordinating colors and some pattern make for a nice photo.  The outfits looked good. But the babies were not working well together.  This is normal. They are two individuals wanting to do two different things.  Asking them to sit still and smile in the same direction is asking a lot, especially in a studio with a lot of fun props to explore.  The photographer was great. He was fun and played with them, all the while trying his hardest to get a decent shot.  Boy, he worked hard. I was exhausted just watching him work. I even briefly thought that maybe his job was harder than mine (that is, until I tried to put two cranky babies down for a nap after the photo shoot).  I left the photographer's feeling discouraged and frustrated about the outcome of the photo shoot. I just hope that there is one good shot of the babies together. I have been thinking/wishing/hoping for this one good photo ever since Tuesday. 
But then last night, I had another thought.  I take a lot of shots of the babies every day: the mundane, the silly, the dirty, the crying, on and on. I take photos of our life.  Sometimes the babies' clothes are dirty or covered in dog hair. Sometimes (okay, a lot of times) there is a laundry basket of dirty (or clean) laundry in the background.  The toys in the play area are scattered all around and there's no organization to them, despite shelving and baskets.  The windows are dirty and smeared with handprints. Gianna has hair that is wild and Bode might have peanut butter on his chin.  Maybe the dog is eating something off of the high chair or the floor (or maybe Gianna is eating something off the floor).  I don't edit (unless it is me in pjs).  I want these things posted and remembered.  Because this is our life right now. Years from now, Bode and Gianna will look at these photos. And I'm betting that they don't want to see the canned studio shots. They will want to look back on the messy, ordinary (and fun) times they had together.

Happy Friday.
xo