The weekend

It's hard to believe that Nico is a year old!  He is so smart.  I know all parents say that about their kids, but this guy is just blowing us away with his smarts.  He wants to know what everything is, pointing to things and saying, "dat?" or, "that?" (okay, he doesn't say, "that" really, but it sounds like that is what he is saying!)  One thing he says for sure is "balloon," or "boon" thanks in large part to the dozen "boons" we have floating around the house since his birthday. Today he played peek-a-boo with just his hands, instead of hiding behind the curtain like he normally does. He was rubbing his eyes, and I said, "Where's Nico?"  and he removed his hands, smiling.  I said, "Peek-a-boo!" and he did it repeatedly, until he tired of the game.  And, the biggest news of all?  He is standing.  All by himself.  Not to be outdone by his sister, he stood up during her gymnastics class without any assistance, and has continued standing unaided ever since.

Next up, my baby has a birthday. And I mean, MAH BAYBEEEEE.   This one:

Yes, my little starter baby is going to be 5 years old.  FIVE!  As in, 12345.  How is that possible?  He continues to blow me away with his smarts, his love, and his smile.   We are celebrating this weekend. For his birthday decorations, Bode says that he wants: Cars, Buzz Lightyear, and Spiderman. Not to mention that he is currently obsessed with all things "Planes" too. "Oh, boy, I thought, "how do I pull that off without it looking like Disney/Pixar/Marvel exploded all over our kitchen?"  Oh, BOY.  Do I have a boy on my hands, or what?!  I love him like crazy.  I'll try to make it happen.

Happy weekend.
xo

Birthday expectations and reality

Nico's 1st birthday came and went.  It did not meet my birthday party expectations. In fact, all plans kind of withered and curled up as soon as the invitations went out. Family was ill , family came in, and life remained busy.  The week of his birthday found me uninspired and floundering.  I did perk up on his actual birthday, buying balloons and generally happy for him. We had an impromptu cupcake party in the evening. And I mean, impromptu.  What happened?  I don't know. I guess I was just busy with everything. Suddenly it was 6 o'clock and I'm defrosting the cupcakes from the fridge.  I had no idea where I put his "1" candle (still don't).  I plucked a beeswax taper from our junk drawer and plunged it into the cloud of vanilla frosting.  We sang "happy birthday" quickly, but with love.  And then it was over.

I always have big expectations for my children's birthday parties. Like a lot of parents, I want them to be happy events.  And Nico's first birthday was no exception.  But circumstances out of my control did color the outcome.  I knew very certainly that holding onto these expectations were only going to lead me to more disappointment.  So I let them go.  And I tried to focus on what is important: Nico is so loved, Nico is happy, and Nico is healthy.  He was surrounded by love on his birthday and all the days leading up to the big 1st year event.

This leads me to think about how I handle disappointment in my life. Of course Nico's first birthday is not a big deal. As I stated above, what matters is that he is loved.  But this has me examining my own motives and how I process things when they do not go as *I* had planned. This is important on the small "birthday" scale, and the larger "life events," like when your mother dies unexpectedly. I have a lot to think about, I guess. What do you do when your expectations are not met?  How do you handle the rejection and the disappointment when the outcome is short of what you desire?

Bode: First Day of Kindergarten

Bode had his first day of Kindergarten on Thursday and all is well.  He really likes going to "camp" (he went to camp at this school over the summer, so he is calling it "camp").  He likes his teacher, Miss Lyn. And that, my friends, is all there is to report.

I made French toast and bacon for his breakfast, and he seemed happy about that.  And I made him 'dress up' for his first day, even though this is not a dress up type of school. He is at Forest Kindergarten, which means he is outside all day.  So as soon as I took the obligatory (obligatory for me)  photos at school, we went inside and changed.  It was damp and chilly, so we changed out of his Polo, into 2 shirts and rain gear. 

First outfit change

Miss Lyn, Bode's Kindergarten teacher

It really was...calm and easy (and still the morning seemed to rush by super fast and I was left with all these emotions for several hours until I picked him up).  His transition back to school was easy. I am not sure if it's because he really thinks that he is just going to camp or if he's familiar with some of the kids, or what. I guess time will tell.

His teacher reports that the past 2 days went "great" and Bode ate a ton at lunch. On Thursday, he ate brown rice and veggies.  On Friday, he couldn't tell me what he ate, except that it was a vegetable I had made before that he didn't like.  Friday night, Bode told me, "I rike eating at home better because the food is sweeter." 

On Fridays, Miss Amy (Bode's preschool teacher and Gianna's future preschool teacher) assists in the classroom.  So it was a lot of fun to be reunited with Miss Amy on Friday morning. Bode had a huge smile on his face when he saw her. Gianna got to say Hello to Miss Amy before the first day of school, which is nice, too.

After school, I suggested that we get a treat to celebrate Bode's first day.  He wanted to go to the bookstore cafe (ugh) and get a stuffed pretzel, milk, and a treat.  He picked out a chocolate cupcake for his treat.  Gianna picked out a pink cupcake for her treat. Nico got nothing but a rice cracker. And he was not happy about that, believe me.

And next is little Miss Mia's big day. She is so excited. Miss Amy told me on Friday, "I don't think you're going to have any problems with her! She is READY."  Yes, I know. But I am not. In fact, Thursday and Friday, I was so emotional about her, about what *I* am losing. I had such a good time "alone" with her while Bode was at school. I think I am always hyper-aware that these minutes are precious, but more so this past week. Everything that she said and did just shone brightly. She is such a beautiful little girl, so full of love and smiles, often saying, "I love you, Mommy" (and PING! goes my heartstrings. every.time.)  I will cry on the inside when I drop  her off on her first day. But I will make sure that her first day is happy, and special.

And then, after that (is this my life, now, or what?!) is Sir Nicholas.  Yes, this jolly baby is turning one. I can not believe it. The fastest year of my life.  I will try not to be sad. (are you noticing a theme here?) But again, I will put my emotions aside and be happy for this lovely little boy. We will have a party to celebrate this little guy's first year.  Celebrate we will!

Party on, people. 

xo

Labor Day weekend

This end-of-summer weekend has been anti-climatic.  It has been a slow, lazy, grey weekend, punctuated by thunderstorms. We have stayed in, ate in, and been generally lazy.

Now that I've painted such a dull picture, I have to back up and confess that we did have some sun on Friday.  We went to the park.  Once again, Bode was terrorized by another little boy. What gives?!! I am so angry at these little boys who think that they can just hit my son.  This time, Bode was following a little boy up a slide (that is covered, like a tunnel). Before they even went into the tunnel, this kid turned around and started hitting Bode repeatedly.  Bode looked over at me and wailed.  He then got hit again and I yelled, "Come here!" because I was afraid that Bode was just going to stand there and be pummeled repeatedly.  Bode ran over to me and I soothed him.  His face and neck were all red from where the little boy struck him.  The kid had already ran off to another play structure while I was trying to calm Bode. The mom didn't do anything. She was busy talking to somebody. I was so angry that I took everybody home. It was such a downer.  Later, when I explained the situation to RWF, he thought that maybe the boy was scared by Bode.  Doubtful.

GET OFF THE COUCH, P!

On Saturday, I took the two older monkeys to the Farmer's Market and to the carousel for one last hurrah.  

On Sunday, we.... I am drawing a blank. That's how exciting it's been around here!  Oh. We stayed home. I ran a long run, and was simply exhausted afterwards. Plus, the crummy weather kept us inside. 

Today, we met some friends for a play date. We were supposed to go to the park, but thunderstorms prevented that. We met at our local bookstore instead.  That lasted about 15 minutes before two of the children were running around and chasing each other (note: their initials were not BWF or MGF. I'm just sayin') (Dear Karma, I can write that because you and I both know that it has been BWF and MGF in the past. For once, I could stand back because finally, it was not my children causing the ruckus. Love, HAS).  So our playdate ended quickly, with promises to meet up once everyone is acclimated to the new school routine and our weather (hopefully) improves.

School!  Bode starts this Thursday and I am in denial. Denial! I can not believe it. I'm really not thinking about it. I'm just going to let it happen.  Then, next Monday, Gianna starts preschool. My baby girl is going to skip, no, RUN into school and not look back.  I just know it. And that is going to leave me and Nico alone, together.

It is crazy to think that this time last year, I was preparing for a baby!  I was so close to meeting my preshus! My Nico!  And to think, his 1st birthday is right around the corner!  I can't think about it too much, because I'll get sad.  It was a crazy year for me, and I had a lot of emotional struggles.  He has been such a blessing to me.  He has kept me sane and happy. There is nothing better for your well-being than holding a baby.  And a smiley, chunky baby is even better.  I adore this boy so much. 

And that is all the news that is fit to print (for us).

Happy Labor Day weekend, end-of-summer to you.

xo

Nico: 11 months

Dear Nico,
Wow, this past month you've changed a lot.  Luckily, I captured most of it in pictures (thanks to the iPhone).

You currently have 2 teeth.  You drool all the time now.  Last night, you were crawling around, with a steady stream of drool escaping your mouth.  I thought, "Man, he's drooling a ton," and then I thought, "Hmm.  This seems to be a different kind of drool."  I pried your mouth open and sure enough, found a broken yellow crayon.  Change #1 is that you are putting everything in your mouth these days.  We have to watch you like a hawk. I've lectured both Bode and Gianna to make sure that the floor is clear of any small objects. They understand this, but they are babies, too, so can't be expected to remember to pick up stray crayons and Legos. But they do know to tell me if they see you put something in your mouth.  They are always quick to yell, "Nico put something in his mouth! Nico put something in his mouth!" so that I can quickly fish your mouth for the object. 

Change #2: You are starting to pull up on things.  The very first time I spied you doing this was in the garage.  Whenever we go outside, we all stop at the shoe basket and put on our shoes.  And you've learned this routine, too.  Once that garage door is opened in the kitchen, you make a beeline for the garage.  (Yet another area that I have to be careful about because I don't need you attempting to crawl down stairs!) The first time I saw you pull up was on a low basket in the garage.  And now, you are pulling up on other objects, too. You are ready to stand, moving your legs out straight, so that you are doing an inverted V on the floor.

The biggest surprise was last week, when everybody was in the playroom.  You decided to crawl up on the trampoline!  That was a pretty amazing feat, and I just sat there and stared, snapping pictures while you climbed up.  When you got up there, you sat and bounced, like you knew what to do.  While you bounced, you had this big smile on your face. You were so happy.  I clapped and cheered for you.  Then I called Daddy and told him that he needed to put the trampoline in the basement ASAP.  And so it is, but you're still looking for things to climb on. 

Speaking of play, you love playing ball. You are so good at rolling it to another person, catching it, and throwing it out again.  We usually do this in the morning before your sibs wake up. It is our little morning routine, and we both enjoy it. If I need a minute to do something, I can just roll a ball to you and you will play  with it for awhile. You love chasing after the ball, rolling it away, chasing after it again. 

Change #4 would be to food.  No more baby purees for you.  You won't even let me near you with a spoon.  If I approach you with a spoon in my hand, you push your arms out as if to ward off something bad, and turn your face away.  Today, you'll only eat finger foods: shredded chicken, peas, banana,  strawberries, watermelon, pasta, and pancakes.  It stresses me out, because I worry that you're not getting enough to eat.  I just have to trust that you're going to fill yourself up. At dinner time, you're more vocal and will 'demand' food while we're eating. Sometimes I don't give you what you want and you'll grimace and demand again.  It's kind of fun, to see what you'll eat. But it's also nerve-wracking, like, "Is he going to choke on this?"  

Change #5 is to sleep. But isn't sleep always changing with a baby? And it is a Rule that if you talk about sleep and a baby, the Universe and Baby will decide to change things up on you real fast. So let me just say that I've had a good sleep this week, and leave it at that. 

Thanks for being so wonderful.

Love,

Mommy

xo

Lately

We are still here.  

Last week, I felt like I was losing my mind.  It's been hard, these past few weeks, with a lot going on.  I've been telling RWF all summer, "I need a break." Well my break finally came. The babies spent two nights at "Camp Dawnie" where they enjoyed oodles of attention from Uncle Craig, Aunt Dawnie, Aunt Debbie and Grandma. They went to the zoo, out for breakfast, to the park, etc.  I think they also enjoyed sugary snacks and TV.  Awh, camp! They had a blast and smile every time I ask them, "Did you have fun?" As for me, I missed them like crazy. I was tearful, and thinking about them constantly. The house was too quiet. There were many moments when I considered just packing Nico up and driving over to Syracuse to pick up my other two babies. But then I told myself that this break was very much needed, and I would probably not get another chance for "alone" time, as school is starting soon.  So I tried to tolerate the quiet and missing my children. I think Nico enjoyed "only child" status, but he is thrilled to have his sibs back.

I have some anxiety about school.  I'm so glad that Bode is going to a private school right now.  Today we drove by the public elementary school that he would attend, and it looked huge. I can only imagine that the class size is as enormous as the school.  Afterwards, we went to the park (attached to the school) and the children played on the playground while I watched, standing beside Nico (in his stroller).  Bode and Gianna were up on a slide structure, high up.  And as I looked at them, I saw this boy push Bode.  I blinked.  I thought, "Surely I did not just see that kid push my son."  But yeah, he pushed him. He pushed him again. This boy was Bode's size, so I don't think he was older (does it matter? No.). Bode just stood there, and kind of looked at him.  I could tell Bode didn't know what to do, and wouldn't do anything to challenge this kid. Then this boy pushed Gianna.  And after he pushed her, he stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her and picked her up.  He stood there, with his arms wrapped around her, lifting her...what he was going to do, I don't know. Gianna was rigid in this boys arms, her feet not touching the ground. She didn't say anything but her eyes were looking around, looking for help.  "HEY!" I yelled and ran over there. I climbed the structure and got real close to him. "HEY! LET GO OF HER NOW."  I nearly ripped his head off. I was thisclose to becoming physical with this kid. I could NOT believe what I was seeing and my blood was boiling.  He stood there and looked at me.  He didn't blink.  But I could see a ripple of attention behind his face.  I took a breath (I was seriously about to LOSE IT) and  sharply hissed, "Don't ever do that again.  Not to her. Not to him. Not to anyone."  And then I remembered my children. They were staring at me, scared.  I said, more calmly, "We don't push. It's not nice. Someone could get hurt. Especially up here."   Bode found his voice, and echoed, "Yeah, we don't push."  Gianna repeated, "Yeah, we don't push." The boy still stood his ground, as if to let me know that he wasn't impressed. I turned around, and found the boy's mother, her face hidden behind huge sunglasses, tucked into her iPhone, oblivious.  "Hey!" I yelled, "Your son just pushed my children!"  She looked up, and weakly called toward him, "Don't do that!"  The boy ran over to her. They had a brief exchange, and then  he was off again. I stood there, my whole body shaking.  How in the world do I release my children to this?  I know that I can't control everything and everyone. I know that my children can't live in a bubble. But the idea that my children are going to be subjected to mean behavior, to this....oh, it rattles me. 

As for the rest of the summer (we still have over 2 weeks until school starts), I don't know.  I will try to pack in some more park days (hopefully without mean behavior), gardening, farmer's market trips, etc.I guess we will just enjoy the schedule-free time that we have right now.  

Happy Wednesday.

xo

Cousin Danielle

Cousin Danielle (and Aunt Debbie, Aunt Dawnie, and Grandma) paid us a visit yesterday.  I think Gianna found her new BFF!  She thoroughly enjoyed sitting on Dani's lap and talking to her.  The two girly-girls had a lot of fun together, brushing hair, playing dolls, and talking about boys (Dani gave Gianna some great advice: "You're the boss!").

It was a great afternoon hanging out with family. Thanks for visiting us, Dani! We hope that you have a wonderful school year!
xo