Bode: first front tooth, gone!

Dear Bode,

Your front tooth has been wiggly, dangly, jiggly and just scary-looking-loose for about a month.  Sometimes, you remind me of a character on The Simpsons, because this front tooth of yours will jut out at a dramatic angle.  It makes me absolutely squeamish to look at this tooth. It has been a long month of me trying to school my face to "neutral" and not alarm you about your tooth.  And forget about brushing it! I was so nervous every time I put the toothbrush to that particular tooth, just waiting for it to go flying out at the slightest pressure.

Well, I am happy to report that the tooth fell out! This morning we went to the mall to do some back -to-school shopping for shoes.  We stopped at Starbucks afterward for a treat.  You were eating a ham/egg/cheese sandwich and you announced, "I think my tooth came out."  Well, I didn't react because you've been thinking that your tooth has come out several times over the past month.  But then you stuck your palm out, and there it was: your front tooth.

I smiled and congratulated you.  Then I gave you a hug, and while I was hugging you, I started to cry.  It made me feel so happy and so sad (at the same time) to see that tooth gone!  You are getting so big.  "Hey," you said, as a tear dropped on your cheek, "You're crying!"  I told you that I was only crying from happiness, because I was so happy for you.  You smiled big,  and that gap where the loose tooth used to taunt me? It looks so big and empty now.  

On the drive home, you kept poking your finger into the gap and telling me what you were doing.  We talked about how a big boy tooth was going to move into that spot.   I think you are really happy now that it's gone.  I think it was a bit of a preoccupation and a worry.  So now you are kind of relieved to get that out of the way. 

I'm going to enjoy your smile these days with your missing front tooth.  You've always had a great smile, and today, it is as beautiful as ever!

Love, 

Mommy

Stranger danger

Do you remember the caution, "Stranger danger!" that was stressed in the 80s?  I think it was the 80s. I know I had a few nieces at that time, and I remember one of my sisters being incredibly paranoid about child abduction.  That doesn't  sound fair: paranoid about something serious like child abduction.  But I remember thinking she was...a little zealous about teaching her child all the dangers out there.   I was a young aunt and had zero children at the time, and had absolutely no idea how your whole heart and mind change once you have a child.  I had no idea how fear of everything what-if can become your whole line of thinking when you have a child. 

I have always been pretty calm (I think?) about stuff like "stranger danger" with my children. It's probably because I'm always with my children.  (And before I continue, I do understand that this type of thinking is not a preventative or the 'right' way to think!)  The only time I had an absolute tear-producing, fearful situation was when we "lost" Gianna at the Farmer's Market in Saratoga Springs for about 5 minutes. And I think I pretty much forgot about that 10 minutes after we found her. 

I had an interesting "lesson"  recently.  We went to Bode's 6 year well-check a couple of weeks ago.  His pediatrician examined him, asked me questions about his eating habits, his sleep habits and such.  And then she looked at me and said, "Now I'm going to ask Bode some questions."  She turned her attention fully to Bode, and kind of blocked me from his view with her body, and began to present different scenarios to him.  I could see him but he couldn't really see me without leaning and looking around the pediatrician.

The firs scenario she told him about was a 'nice' lady pulls up in our driveway while he is outside playing. The nice lady rolls down her window and asks Bode if he would like some candy. She says that she has a big bag of candy to give him if he'll get into her car.  The pediatrician asked, "Would you get into her car for the candy?"  

It took Bode a loooong time to think about this situation. Finally, after what seemed like several minutes, he answered, "No."

(Phew.)

The next scenario was we are at home and I am taking a shower. Before I get in the shower,  I tell Bode and Gianna not to bother me while I am showering ("Mommy is tired and wants to be alone.").  Someone rings the doorbell and  the person wants to be let in the house.  The person says that he knows Mommy and it's okay. Does Bode let the person in the house?   

This time, he answered a little more quickly and said "No."

The most likely (and scariest) scenario, I thought, was when she told him to think that he was in a store. He was looking at toys in the store and then he realized that I  had walked off to shop for something else. He looked around but I was not there anymore.  What does Bode do if he can not find Mommy in the store?

Bode had no clue on what to do.  He just sat there thinking.  I felt my anxiety rising, as if I was watching from a distance while he was actually lost in the store, and I was behind some glass, sound-proof cage where I wanted to shout the answer to him ("I'm here! I'm here! Don't worry, I'll never leave you!").  Finally the pediatrician gave him two solutions: one was to find a mommy with a baby and ask her for help, and the other solution was to find the person working at the register.  (Honestly I found the second solution kind of confusing, because really...couldn't somebody just be standing there waiting for Bode to wander over looking for his mommy? The only store that has "official" looking uniforms are grocery stores and big box stores, and even then, colors can look like uniforms. I've often seen people in Target wearing red shirts that are not store clerks, for example).  

The pediatrician put him through a couple of more scenarios like this (what I call, "stranger danger" scenarios) and even though it took Bode a long time to think about these situations, he always answered "correctly."  

But it really made me stop and think.  He answered the questions correctly (with a lot of time to think) but what  if he was scared and panicked? Or what if he was hungry and that candy looked so good?  What would he do in a real-life situation?  Hopefully we will never have to find out.  

Before this appointment, I'd never told my children,  "don't talk to strangers" or about people being "bad" or anything like that. I've never told my children to not get into other people's cars or to not answer the door.  It just never occurred to me that I would need to.  And honestly, I don't want to because I don't like introducing those bad thoughts into their minds.  I like that they have a pretty innocent view of the world and would like to keep it that way.  (but of course, I wouldn't want to put them in danger just to shelter them from bad thoughts, either)

So after these questions, the pediatrician talked to us both about what to do in these situations. And she also gave us homework. I am to help Bode learn how (and when) to call 9-1-1, to memorize my phone number and how to tell people our address (things that he "failed" during her test).  

A couple of days after the appointment, we were at the library and Gianna found a book about talking to strangers. I thought it was a 'sign' that she had found this book and brought it to me. So I checked the book out of the library to talk about the stranger subject further. But it was....awful.  I mean I couldn't even finish some of the sentences because they were so....fear-inducing. I made up sentences as I read it (to not read the scary parts) and then I hid the book so that they wouldn't see it (and want to read it again).  But then our baby sitter came over and read the book to them. After they read the book, they both would say stuff like, "Don't talk to strangers! They are bad!"  (ugh)

I spent a few days correcting that mistake. I made a point of smiling at people ("strangers") and saying Hello to people we see out and about. I think the stranger-danger thought is corrected.  I was happy to see Bode say, "Hello, how is your day going?" to a man painting our neighbor's fence. 

I've been working with Bode on memorizing phone numbers and so far, the only thing he has learned is  9-1-1 (of course, because that is easy). But my issue is, we don't have a landline in the house. I only have my cellphone. So there is no way for him to practice dialing or even what a phone looks like! So I don't know what to do about that? I guess we should have a landline. Maybe I should have him practice my phone calling his aunts or something. Any ideas?

I've also been talking to him and Gianna about different situations and how to manage them.  I'm trying to put these "scary" situations into a more "empowering" light than "theres's a stranger at the door!" type thinking.  But it's a hard line, trying to impart the seriousness of the situation and getting the "what-to-do-if..." message across without putting fear into their heads. 

Have you talked to your children about emergency or scary situations, and do you have any good tips on making it more of an empowering situation than a scary situation?

Happy Thursday!

xo

The Wednesday before the last day of school

Tuesday drop off at school.

There are three letters to sum up how I feel about this week, and tomorrow: O M G

I'm simultaneously freaking out because my children will be having a ceremony tomorrow (do not roll your eyes...when you have children, these stupid preschool graduations mean so much) and because I'm trying to finish up the teachers' gifts before tomorrow morning. 

Why am I sitting here writing when I have so much to do?  Well. I can't finish up the teachers' gifts, because I'm waiting for one mother to bring her child's artwork to school pick up this afternoon. Yes, even though I asked for the artwork (that I gave all the supplies for so that there would be no delays) to be completed and delivered to me by last Thursday, June 5, this mother has yet to bring it to me.  Today is  her last chance. So, there's nothing else for me to do until I have everything. Ahem.   Second, I love nothing more than to write about how emotional I am feeling about my children!!! There! I said it.  I know that it can be positively grating when someone (me) is always whining about how sad everything makes her (me) and how emotional she (ME) feels.  I'm sorry if that's the case for you.  Sorry for being so grating and complaining about this one anonymous mother (grrrr) that hasn't given me the needed artwork.

But I do feel....so much....with my children. It is amazing how much emotion I feel and how strongly I feel these emotions. They are so incredible, these children (all children) and man, what a wonderful experience to have in your lifetime.  (Please don't write me emails about how you don't want to have children and how dare I suggest that the only way your life is complete is if you have children. I don't. I believe everyone has meaningful, emotional experiences in his and her lifetime as long as she/he has relationships - be that with your children, your partner, family, friends, dogs, cats, parakeets or even your garbage man! Enjoy!)

Tuesday school pick up. I've decided Nico is not going to school.

So this week has been especially trying and exhausting and emotional for me.  I'm just trying to get through tomorrow, people.  Tonight is going to be one big craftastic rush trying to get four (4!!!) teachers' gifts together by tomorrow a.m., but hey, as long as it makes them smile, all will be well. (Note to self: next time, don't volunteer. Just don't volunteer.)

Tomorrow, we have the rainbow bridge ceremony where both Bode and Gianna will say goodbye to their current teacher,  cross the bridge, and say hello their new teacher. I get so weepy just thinking about it (grate. sorry).  Unfortunately, we have been asked not to take photos or videos.  The teachers feel (strongly) that the photo-taking and video-taking during these events takes away from the experience for everyone.  They have appointed one parent to take the photo of each child crossing the bridge. Hopefully I will be able to focus on the event and Nico will be quiet so that everyone can enjoy the experience.  RWF will not be able to attend because he is in CA.  That is a big bummer for me.

After the rainbow bridge ceremony, we are going to walk back to the school for a picnic.  There is going to be a lot of walking and carrying of things (school stuff, teachers' gifts, picnic food for my family) and I really hope that I can do it all (and keep track of Nico). ;)  I want tomorrow to run smoothly and be a really happy day for Bode and Gianna. 

Wish us luck!

xo

Making rainbows

The other day, Bode came to me with this book in hand.  He asked me to read the page about rainbows.  So we read it together.  In the sidebar, there was an explanation on how to make a rainbow.  So we had to try it!  

It's super easy:  you put a glass of water in a window that is receiving (direct) sunlight, and then put white paper down to "catch" the rainbow. 

Once the rainbow appeared, we admired the different colors.  We talked about how rainbows always have certain colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet - or ROY G. BIV, is how I choose to remember it).  Bode loved this experiment (and Nico liked it, too!). The colors are more true in person (these were snapped using my iPhone).

It was fun and easy.  I loved that "Mommy" was able to help Bode with some science, because, honestly, RWF is usually Bode's go-to on science and math.  Also, if you have a little scientist on your hands, this book is great reading.  Bode loves to just look at the pictures and 'think' about what the pictures are about, I guess.  He will go through spells where he carries this book everywhere (and it's a big, heavy book!)...this is one of those weeks.

Have you ever made a rainbow? Try it with your babies, or just create a rainbow for yourself. ;)
xo

02/52

A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014.  Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode:  after months of growing his hair out, decided that he wanted his hair "short like Daddy's."

Gianna:  contemplating how a princess would smile

Nico:  took another hard fall on Saturday; a face plant that caused his gums to bleed (but they look okay here)

Growing, growing...

February 2012

Bode is a big boy. I have to remind myself of this all the time. Every day is a challenge. I still see him as a little guy. I don't understand when he contradicts me or doesn't want to do as I say. Who is this big boy with a mind of his own? Who is this big boy who wants to do everything by himself?

Thursday morning, Bode put on a pair of pants and they were high-waters.  I laughed and laughed.  He looked at me, puzzled.  I felt bad and then explained that he had a growth spurt.  I then had to explain a "growth spurt" in a non-frightening way. I also had him try on some other pants just to make sure and yeah, he's bigger.  He is now in a size 6.  Yikes.  I can't keep up. 

Yesterday he went to a birthday party for a school friend. Rylan has been a good friend to Bode since starting Kindergarten together.  They've had play dates, and share similar interests (space! Cars! etc.). Rylan is such a gentle, sweet boy and I am happy that they are friends. Rylan is always looking for Bode, shouting, "Bode! I'm so glad that you're here!" Some of the other boys in Kindergarten are very rough & tumble, and I can see the "mean-spiritedness" or should I say, "mischievousness," coming out in them already.  So I am enjoying this sweet friend of Bode's. Yesterday's party was wonderful, the perfect testament that Rylan is indeed a loving friend who has a wonderful, nurturing family. And I so enjoyed being a witness to it, to watching Bode as he took it all in, quietly, hand-in-hand with his friend Rylan.

This morning, I went through Bode's closet with him, having him try on clothes.  I sorted the clothes into two piles: clothes he can still wear and clothes to put away for Nico.  Every time  he changed out of a pair of try-ons, I'd tickle him.  I made him laugh so hard while he squirmed around on the floor.  I tickled him on purpose, to capture another (precious) moment of just me and my "little" boy...the one who still wants to be tickled by his mommy...for right now, at least.

xo

Birthday boy

At long last (!) here are the 103, 478 pictures I took of Bode's birthday. In no particular order (because I am lazy busy):

I did not decorate with all the super heroes, Cars characters, Planes characters, etc.  I did have a Buzz Lightyear/Woody cake (per Bode's request), some character balloons, and I gift wrapped the presents in all the characters. Bode seemed pleased.

Aunt Debbie, Aunt Dawnie, Uncle Craig and SPECIAL GUEST STAR Andrew attended Bode's party.  Grandma could not make it because she was sick.

Special guest star! Andrew!

 Even though it was Bode's birthday, Gianna got a special Hello Kitty purse, packed with all kinds of special Hello Kitty accessories like lip gloss ("lips" as Gianna calls it), erasers, notepad and stickers, etc.
She also got a ton of dresses ("pretty dresses" Gianna would say) from Grandma.  And let me tell you, Gianna wasted no time putting her purse to use (even though Andrew did seem rather fond of it). And the next week, Gianna wore all her new dresses to school.

Nico also received a bunch of presents from everyone for his first birthday.

We put on some 70s music and watched in amazement as Nico busted a move:

Just kidding. This photo just looks like he is dancing. He is actually a little wobbly getting into a standing position. Still, his aunts were impressed.

Aunt Dawnie was chief present opener while we all watched. ;) I'm sure that her hands were tired from all the cardboard, zip ties and cellophane she had to open!

In the end, I asked Dawn to put down her birthday-package-opening scissors and to take a family photo of us.  This was the best one! Ha!  

But you know what? I like them all, even the ones where I am scowling while Nico is crying...because it just shows how messy and chaotic our lives sometimes are with three little monkeys.  I'm sure I'll look back on these photos with great fondness and think, "Those were the days!"Just like now, I look back on these five (5!) years with Bode and get smushy and weepy. Those were the days!  I can't believe my baby is a big 5 year old. There will be more good days to come, I'm sure.
Happy 5th Birthday to my happy little guy.
xo

Bode: 5 years old

Dear Bode,

You are now 5 years old.  You love being 5.  You love being able to hold up a whole hand when people ask you how old you are, and I always think, "5 fingers, each finger representing a year in your life."  

Five!

You are so much fun. You are still my happy little guy.  I love listening to you play in the playroom while I'm cooking or cleaning in the house.  It is my entertainment,  listening to the running commentary that you provide on the race taking place inside the playroom (or, rather, in your head), often punctuated by LOUD crashes of cars and planes.  And yes, I often run back to the playroom and admonish you to quiet down because your sister and brother are napping. But I really enjoy listening to you play.  You have always been able to entertain yourself, and that is a good thing.

Your teachers at school tell me that they enjoy you so much.  Your teachers have reported that they enjoy these things: your observations about space, you singing a Neil Young song ("Old Man" is a particular fave), you are one of the few who eats all of his "greens" at lunch, as well as just being a smiley guy who loves to play outside with your classmates.  This year at the school's Autumn Festival, I witnessed a change in you.  We arrived at the school, and almost immediately two friends, Sage and Rylan, sought you out to play.  You took off with these two boys, running and laughing. You never looked back, never asked if it was okay if you played with them.  I felt a little uneasy, but also happy, that you were able to play with friends on your own.  I watched you the whole time, you and your friends playing, chasing and taunting each other. I can tell, from school, that you have a kind of "hero-worship" going on with Sage, who is, you report, "Five and a HALF. And he's a Tall Oak." (which means he's not a newbie at this school).   Rylan, (who is "almost 6...November 18 is his birthday," you'll add), has been to our house for a play date and I love his sweet disposition. With Rylan, you can discuss Cars and Planes, as you're both big fans of these two franchises. Such boys! I thought about how this time last year, how you would play by yourself on a swing or a slide, with me and Daddy watching you closely.  And now this year, you're hiding in forts and playing with boys.  How things have changed!  At school, you love to play "Police" or "Ninja" and you're always telling me who is on whose team, and what girl was "allowed" to play with the boys.  Poop and burp jokes are starting to become funny to you (eeek!). Almost every day after school, you walk out with one or two sticks.   Suddenly, sticks are guns and I honestly don't know what to say/think/do about that. So I chalk it up to play and let you have your sticks. Sometimes when I pick you up from school, you hide them behind your back, announcing, "I have a surprise for you, Mommy." Your teacher, Miss Lynn, gives me a knowing wink, and says, "To add to your collection..." We always bring them home.  

You have a built-in friend and ally with Gianna.  She is now at the age where she can play with you.   She is also now at the age where she is your co-conspirator and sister who will egg you on when you are in trouble. Sometimes she will go along with your games (your direction), and sometimes not.  Sometimes I hear you both having a play dialogue between cars or dolls. Sometimes I hear her shrieking, "No, I will not play 'inja! (ninja)"  But always I find you playing on the swings together outside.  The swings are common ground, something you both enjoy. Gianna loves to imitate you and do  things to please you.  She always gives up something to share it with you, be it a sweet muffin or a toy.  And you in turn are a wonderful brother to her (though sometimes mischievous).  I love your relationship with Gianna, and I hope that you always have that in your life. 

There are times when you are so frustrated because you want to do things by yourself.  Sometimes it takes you longer than others.  You will cry, "I want to be first! I want to do it first!" There are times when you are so mad because Gianna will get dressed quicker than you (because I am dressing her) or puts  her shoes on faster.  "Wait for me, Gianna! Wait for me!" you wail.  Sometimes you are just tired and you don't know it, and you cry.  Sometimes you'll hit something or throw something in frustration. And sometimes, life is just plain frustrating, and you cry.  And I have to bite my tongue to not reprimand you for this behavior, to not tell you what I'm thinking, to not try to make it a teachable moment...and to remember that this is you, five years old, figuring things out for yourself. 

Happy Birthday, Bode.
Love,

Mommy

xo