Priscilla

We said goodbye to Priscilla on Sunday, March 29. The void that she left is huge, and heart-breaking. WE LOVE YOU, P. 

Less is more, and more is more

a recent impromptu picnic on a hike, a time that I remember feeling happy and not stressed!

Things have been incredibly busy around here.  Crazy-busy.  The kind of busy that makes me want to shout, "Stop! I want to get off this ride!"  Our family has been humming along, but I  (we) have felt the effects of too much.  Too much activity, too much stress, too much...of everything.

For the children, I've cut all activities except school (ha!) and swimming.  This swimming session ends in a few weeks, and I'm going to cut swim lessons to 1 time per week.  The children enjoy being active but I can tell that they are tired.  Bode is now 6, and I worry about how life is going to speed up for him, once he hits "real" elementary school. I want to keep things simple for him, for Gianna, and for Nico, for as long as I can.

For me, I am tired of feeling tired.  My most common feeling, and my constant lament, is "I'm so tired."  I'm tired of being such a drag, and feeling like I'm...dragging.  I have yet to make a doctor's appointment for a check-up, but I will soon. I think things are catching up with me, again.  It's difficult to move and go through the motions of moving.  I think I go through the motions because I "have to" and then as a result, 6 months or so later, I crash and the effects of everything hit me. I'm finally starting to feel like we "live" here, and starting to imagine what that means for all of us, and what I want our life to "be" here.  I am also carrying my mother around, dragging her death behind me.  After my mom died, I went to a therapist, carrying baby Nico into the office with me each week. I didn't think I could continue seeing her, the therapist, because of everything else that was going on.  I remember telling her that I had too much going on, both physically and mentally.  I'll never forget her words: "You need to deal with this now, or it's going to come out later, in other ways."  I shrugged it off at the time.  But what she said was so true.  It keeps happening: anger, sadness, etc. Yesterday I was laughing my head off with RWF about something, and an image of my mother's memorial popped into my head, and I started crying uncontrollably.  "Why are you crying?" RWF asked, surprised at my abrupt swing. And I had to tell him that I thought of my mom (I didn't share the image).  Did he understand? Probably not.  I'm not being authentic, not to myself and not to anyone in my family.  I need to deal. Grief is the worst.

  

We (RWF and I) have been under a great deal of stress about our living situation (i.e., the house).  We have been struggling to find a house for our family.  I've been unhappy where we are at, but it might just be the place to stay. This subject's a bore, so I won't go into the details. It's something that we need to resolve.  There are other, more personal stressors involved, too.

That is one, and other, reasons I have not been updating the blog. It is the same (boring) issues and stressors.  Thankfully, the children are doing great, and growing like crazy in all kinds of ways. I need to get back to recording their personalities and funnies.  As far as the 52 project...I have been taking pictures weekly, but I have not been uploading them here. I cringe at the idea of trying to back-date all the photos in order. 

We are making some changes around here.  Hopefully, with the subtraction of some things, and the addition of some other things, life will be a bit more manageable. I hope to be back to recording our lives soon.

Happy weekend to you.
xo

Happy Birthday, Bode!

photo by Blue Lily

Dear Bode,

You are the big 6 years old now. Every day, we are amazed by your intelligence, sensitivity, and imagination.  Every day, we enjoy your happy smile. The past 6 years have been such an incredible experience for me and Daddy.  We are so lucky to have you in our family.  You radiate a calm, happy energy. You're FUN and have an imagination that rocks!  

photos by Blue Lily

Most of all, thank you for your love, Bode. You are the best.

Happy, happy 6th birthday, pumpkin.

We love you so much. 

Mommy
xo

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nico!

Photos by Blue Lily Photography. Thank you, Wendy!

Dear Nico,

Happy Birthday to you!

You are such a joy.

We love you so much!

xo

36/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode: loves watching science shows on TV

Gianna: no matter how many times or how well we brush her hair, it always ends up looking like some version of this

Nico: probably wondering, "Why did Mommy say NO (when I climbed up here on the fireplace)?"

First Day of School!

Well it has begun: a new school year. Same school, and the same classes.  Bode has his old teacher, Teacher Traci. Gianna has a new (boy!) teacher, Mr. Trent.  Some old friends, and some new friends.  It will be a great school year!

You can see from their sleepy, glazed expressions in these photos that school was kind of an abrupt change to their summer routine!  Plus, all the new faces around them in a familiar setting had their attentions.

They both had a really good first day.  They came home in good spirits, and tired! But it will be awhile, I think, before the reality of "school-is-the-new-norm" will sink into their heads.


The second day was just as startling. I had to wake them, and they seemed surprise when I told them to get ready for school.  We got Gianna into a pair of (new) pants. I guess, since she agreed to wear them this morning, that she is conceding that yes, it is indeed chilly in the mornings and we must dress appropriately!  Bode insisted on wearing the same outfit (???) as yesterday.  I washed it last night but we had to do a speed dry this morning.  Ugh, it was all tears and protests until I produced that *&#@ lightening bolt shirt and orange shorts from the dryer! Nico is the only one that is cheerful in the mornings. He loves going to school. Maybe it is because we take a walk through the farm and see chickens and goats after dropping Bode and Gianna! 

It will take awhile for our routine to become...well, routine.   I'll try to take more snaps and report more next week. Hopefully the children will get more sleep and look more rested over the next week!

I do hope that I will be able to blog more with the children in school.  Nico is not quite ready to nap in the mornings. He kind of dropped morning naps over the summer. But I'm hoping that he too will settle into a nap routine so that he can rest while his sibs are at school.  I missed reporting on our summer adventures (we did do a lot off our summer bucket list!) and I missed capturing milestones  and special events (Nico's milestones, and baptisms, in particular).  Hopefully, I'll be back to this blog regularly!

Hope that your back-to-school week has been fun!

xo

35/52

On Labor Day, we set out for Hood River.  But an emergency announcement on the radio told us that the highway was closed due to "police activity."  So we had to re-route ourselves.  After much bickering (I am directionally challenged, and can't read a map - not even an iPhone map - to save my life. This drives RWF absolutely freaking CRAZY.), we wound up at a place in the Southeast called Powell's Butte, a 608 acre nature preserve.  These snaps were taken there.

Monday night, we remembered to Google the "police activity" that had closed a long stretch of the highway: a gunman was on the highway, shooting at cars.  The gunman was eventually killed by the police after a stand-off.   (ACK!)

This day was a sad day.  It was the first time we had taken off on a walk without Priscilla in tow.  She has been ill, and is not able to join us on walks anymore.