You oughta be in pictures!

We have been here for about 2 months now, and I am already thinking about how we are losing touch with family.  It's not like we saw everyone every day so I don't know why I am worried.  I guess the (mental) distance of being alone on the West Coast is prevalent in my mind right now.  

I am especially sensitive to conversations with Bode and Gianna.  The other day, Bode received a letter from his Aunt Melinda. I read it to him. He was looking straight ahead, just listening and thinking.  After I finished, he said, "I don't remember Aunt Melinda. Who is she?"  Knife in my heart. I gasped and said, "When you were just a tiny baby, she came out to see you! You were her little soba noodle! She patted you on your po-po and helped you fall fast asleep!"  He looked blankly at me.  I dropped the defensive front (a la "How dare you! She's my sister!") and tried a different tactic. I started with a physical description, and then said, "She's visited you in New York a couple of times." Then, a smile played on his mouth and he said, "She was the one that built the fort."  I cheered, "Yes! Yes! You two built the fort together in the woods!"  He smiled again and said, "I remember."

Yesterday, on the way to school, Gianna announced that "Rebecca" was a cousin.  Having no idea who "Rebecca" is, and even though it was a game, I corrected her.  "No, Danielle and Elizabeth are your cousins. And who else is your cousin?"  Silence.  "He's a boy,"  I prompted, "...and you like to sit with him when he visits."  Gianna immediately started giggling and said, "Andrew!"  She giggled some more and said, "He wants my purse. He always says, "Hey Gianna, can I have your purse?"  Bode and Gianna laughed about this some more.  I smiled, loving that this memory of Andrew still causes giggles.  What they don't know, and probably couldn't fathom, is actually how many cousins they actually do have in their family!

I love that Bode differentiates his two grandmothers by hair color.  I only love it because it showed me (at the time) that he had a vague sense of my mother, even though he hadn't seen her in a long, long time. It gave me hope that there is a memory there, somewhere.

Last night, I decided that I'm going to make a photo book of family members. Honestly, I never thought that these photo books were relevant to our family, because the children see their relatives a few times a year.  Now, I want to document everybody.  I want the children to have a reference to refer to when they receive a package, a letter, or a phone call.  So that in between visits, they can 'see' their family whenever they want to 'see' them.

I am in the process of reviewing photos to see what I can take from our archives.  But it would be really helpful if family members would take a head shot and email it to me! (hint) 

So long, February! Hello, March!

xo

Nico: 17 months

Dear Nico,

You have reached the ripe, old age of 17 months! Congratulations!  You seem oh-so-big sometimes, and other times, you are still my little baby.   You love walking and exploring things, climbing stairs, feeding yourself, and "reading" (turning the pages of) books all by yourself.  You also love running into my and "Dada's" arms, being held, and kissed dramatically by me. 

The past two weeks have been so rough for you, me, and "Dada" because you are teething.  You currently have 4 teeth on top, and two on bottom. I can't tell what teeth are coming in right now, but boy, they are giving you trouble. You are up late in the night with me.  Sometimes you cry so loud that Daddy wakes up and joins us.  We have had many late nights, and it is really starting to affect my well-being.  Yes, Nico, MY well-being!  You get to nap all morning and in the afternoon. But I'm up and on duty for three other people/dog in this household from 6:30 AM onward, no matter what time I get to sleep or how much sleep I get. Mommy and Daddy will be so relieved when this teething spell is over (and so will you, I'm sure!).

When we are up late at night together, you are always happy though.  You just seem to be so relieved that you are in good company, in a well-lit room, instead of in your crib, alone, in the dark.  This is why, when Daddy argues that you need to just "cry it out," I say, "NO!"  I will not leave you, Nico.  I can't do it.  It breaks my heart to hear you cry and I never want you to be sad if I can help it.   I am so worried about your well-being,  and I'm so over-tired (this post really is about you, Nico, even though I seem to be writing a lot about myself) that even when I sleep, I have nightmares about you.  I had one nightmare the other night that has led me to inquire about swim lessons.  So coming up soon, you'll be in the pool, just like your brother and sister! Won't that be fun?  We will be in the pool together. Yes, I love you so much that I am willing to put on a swimsuit (argh) and expose my post-partum body and white legs to all the world. 

You have regular words these days, saying "Mama" (my favorite word), "Dada" (Dada's favorite word), "qwackah" (cracker), "dank do" (thank you), "baaf" (bath), "baba" (for milk), "roar" (for Nico monster), "hi," "bye," and "No," (probably your favorite word, if not, probably your favorite word when you turn 2).

Your brother and sister still love playing "the Nico monster" game around you and you love to be a part of it, running around behind them as they shriek in mock terror.  At night, you join in the book reading session by settling down on the floor with us, and turning the pages of a board book, "reading" to yourself while Mommy reads a book to Bode and Gianna. Sometimes while I'm reading, you'll decide that you'd rather have the book that I am reading, and our book reading session will be put on hold while we sort out who is reading what.  Gianna has become great at giving you substitutes for things that she wants (a trick that Bode learned quickly when she was a baby, too!). 

Eating is a good experience but still tricky.   You drink Lactaid and water.  You can't eat things that contain a lot of eggs and milk (? or maybe wheat?), or you become so splotchy and itchy (again, breaking my  heart when I inadvertently give you something not good for you).  I can't decide if we need to get allergy testing done or if we should wait it out and see if you grow out of it.  You like eating peas, waffles (gluten-free), crackers (plain Goldfish), sweet potato, rice, broccoli, avocado, mango, blueberries, oatmeal and pasta.  You are not big on meat at this time. I have tried all different kinds of meat, cooked all different ways, and no matter what I try to give you, you leave it. 

You are so physical.  You love hugs and kisses and long tickle sessions, as well as the "Grand Ol' Duke of York" (you stand before me with a quizzical look and ask, "dude dor??" and I know that it is time for you to ride on my knees). You enjoy kicking the soccer ball around the yard. You love going on walks with your family, and surprise us by walking so far. You love being outside and of course, don't mind the rain or wind or whatever element. You're just happy to be out and about. You love going "bye-bye" and will bring me  your shoes and jacket, as if to seize the opportunity before I forget or leave you (never!). 

Just for grins, here is what your big sister was like at 17 months.  I see some similarities!
Now, let's put those toofys to bed and get some sleep!

Love,

Mommy

xo

How's Bode doing?

A lot of you have asked, "How's Bode doing?"  I guess he is doing better, but he has also been out of school for a whole week on winter break!  So I have to say that he did really well this past week.  I think he enjoys just being at home with his family. 

This week, he is back in school and I'm anxious to see how he feels over the week.  Will he just fall right back into routine, or will there be another round of new school resistance? I want to see if there is a difference in his mood/behavior/feelings.  This morning, there was a lot of "I don't want to go to school!" but it wasn't always said in all seriousness.

Yesterday, his teacher came over to our house for tea.  I was curious to know how Bode would receive this news/visitor.  I didn't tell him until we had finished our morning "routine" of dressing/breakfast, and he was having fun, running around the house.  Then I casually mentioned that maybe, just maybe, Teacher Traci would stop by and say Hello.  Bode completely paused, and I could see his mind turning this over and over in his head.  Finally, he asked, "But why would she come over here?" I told him that she would like to see him, and play with his toys.  He cried, "Bah! I don't want her to come over!"  but he was only being dramatic (as he is often times!).  Later, his teacher, Traci, walked into the house, said Hello to all of us, and then immediately sat on the floor with Bode and began building a spaceship with him.  They played together like that for about 30 minutes. Bode was very quiet but played "rocket" with her (or, around her).  I remember that it is very...unsettling, a little surprising...when you find out that your teacher does not "live" at school...that your teacher actually exists outside of school! So I just watched quietly while they played. After awhile, I mentioned muffins and tea, and Bode was up like a shot.  With muffins and tea, he became more animated (food, glorious food!).  We chatted about school, school friends, Portland, and what we had done on our winter break.  It was a nice visit.  Bode seemed calm and happy after Traci left.

There is a new development (hopefully temporary) that has occurred over the past few weeks: he is afraid of dogs.  

We have found this wonderful forest to walk in on the weekends. It is completely magical and reminds me of "Hansel and Gretel".  The pines are so tall, and the path leads up and away, with the trees forming a sort of alcove as you walk into the woods.  The first time we went there, we had a wonderful, strenuous climb halfway up the forest floor before turning back.  It is completely elevated and on a narrow trail, surrounded by ferns and the trees.  So we usually walk single file, or maybe 2 together because Gianna often wants to hold hands.  Bode always runs ahead and leads the way. He is very intent these days on being "first" in everything.  At the opening of the forest, there is a house, as a neighborhood has been built on the edge of the forest. In this house lives a man (and his family, I'm guessing) and his dog. His dog is large (but no bigger  than P), and ran out and greeted Priscilla.  The dog obviously runs freely and is "home" in the woods because s/he ran off with P, and the man didn't say or do anything about it.  That was fine.  The next time we were in the woods, we walked all the way up to the top. At the top, there is a bench to sit and enjoy the view.  There is also a huge boulder, which the children enjoyed climbing on and jumping off.  After we rested for a bit, we made our way down.  The walk took us awhile. I am always White Rabbit, worried about time, time, time because of Nico's nap.  So we made our way down.  I walk much more slowly because I wear Nico in a pack on my back. And because of the downward slope and the knotty, wooded forest floor, I had to be more cautious.  So RWF, Bode, and Gianna were almost to the end and I was still about halfway up.  I heard Bode say something, then RWF, and then a few minutes later,  through the trees, I saw two men and two small dogs (a Pomeranian and another small "short" dog) making their way up. Bode came running up to me, and then ran past me, back up into the woods. He was running fast.  I let him go up, thinking that it was taking me so long to get down that by the time he wanted to turn around, we would be together.   But then I thought about his face, and turned and called for him.  Something didn't feel right.  So I stood there and waited. "Bode!" I called again.  The men passed me with their dogs and I moved a little to the side.  Suddenly Bode ran down, right up to me and then he kept running. His face was...I can't describe it...but just briefly, so briefly, I saw something in his expression  again.  "Bode! Bode, come back to me! Wait! Come here!"  I stood waiting and then Bode returned to me.  I put my arm around him and "held" him still while I looked at him.  "What's wrong?" I asked.  I knew something was wrong. I just saw it. And I felt it.  And usually, I'm so impatient, so  worried about time, time, time.  I am usually barking at him to "Hurry up!" or complaining, "I have to go to the bathroom, let's go!" or "Nico needs to nap, hurry!"  But this time, I didn't. I held him.  And I looked at him and waited.  He mumbled, "It's just...nothing."  I thought about things, about where we were, what we had seen and then it hit me. I thought about him being alone on the trail, running, and running right up to those dogs. "Did the dogs scare you?"  He didn't say anything. He just looked out over the woods.  I hugged him and said, "Sometimes, dogs can run and jump and seem scary.  But they're just friendly, most of the time.  They are like P, right...they seem big but they are really nice inside...even small dogs can seem scary...."  And then he started crying. Big huge tears ran down his face and he stuffed his face into my jacket. I hugged him and said, "It's okay, it's okay...it's okay, Bode."  We stood there for a long time, and Bode just cried. So long that RWF had made his way back up and asked, "Is everybody okay?"  Bode hid his face in my side and I said, "Yep! We are on our way."  I didn't say anything to RWF then. I felt like what had happened was private. 

Right then, I felt like something special had happened.  It was intuition. I knew that something was wrong with Bode and I responded.  For once, I didn't yell or cajole; I didn't tell him to hurry.  I stopped and I responded to Bode, to his feelings, instead of worrying about my own agenda. And I felt...well, I hate to say it, but honestly, I felt validated and right. I had done something right for my baby.   I was sad to see his fear, but happy that I had "seen" his fear, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, the fear of dogs is still present.  It is not a full-on terror or stop-him-in-his-tracks fear.  He is very aware of dogs and doesn't like going on walks these days. He will walk with us, but he often qualifies it with, "I don't like this place because there are dogs here."  We talk about dogs and how there are friendly dogs: P, Kelly, Maddie, Zoey, and Henry.  We talk about how to give dogs space and to say "hello" to dogs by always asking the grown up if we can pet the dog (if we want to). We focus on the positive and just try to give Bode room to express his fear (while gently nudging him forward).

He is doing a little better at bedtime. There is not so much "I don't want to go to bed," as there is just the usual horsing around before bed.

Swimming is a constant struggle. And by "constant," it feels continual as they have swim lessons twice a week.  So twice a week, I have to do "battle" with Bode and get him to put on his suit, get ready for swimming all the while hearing, "I don't want to go swimming! I don't like swimming!"  Argh. It is such a drag.  But I feel (and RWF feels) that learning to swim is very important.  It is a necessary skill. They are in good lessons here, and we want them to learn. So twice a week, I struggle with something else besides school (swimming).  He has a great, patient swim teacher and I really hope that soon, swimming will be fun. Luckily, Bode hasn't shown any real fear about the water (like some kids do) but he is resistant to the lessons. Maybe if I can find a story on swimming, it will help Bode to view the lessons differently?

This week, we have started reading "James and the Giant Peach" by Roald Dahl.  Bode absolutely loves this book!  It is so fun to read it with him because he just sits quietly and listens. I can tell that he is really enjoying it and every time I close after a chapter, he begs me to read more,   "Please! Read one more chapter!" and I usually do, because we need to know what happens next!  And isn't that a wonderful book, the kind that makes you want to keep reading?  

So for those inquiring minds that really want to know, I think Bode is doing good. He is learning that we sometimes have to do what we don't want to do (new school) and that sometimes things in life are scary (darkness, dogs) but hopefully, he knows  (and will learn) that his family will support him through these things (and more).

Happy Monday, friends.

xo

08/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode - "suddenly" fearful of dogs. He does not like walking at this particular place anymore because of dogs. 

Gianna - so tired after our walk. I forget that she is only 3.

Nico - loves riding in the red car. He walks over to it as soon as we enter the garage, and demands, in his baby language, to be taken out for a ride.

The long weekend, and a long(er) week

Everyone enjoyed a three day weekend.  I really enjoyed having RWF home with us for an extra day, and I think he needed an extra day "off" too!  Our weekend was simple, but relaxing: the boys went skiing, we went on a family hike where Nico walked most of the way (!), and we also went to OMSI.  Bode is still obsessed with space, so this was the perfect place for him. We saw a film in the planetarium while there but it was "kinda scary" for everyone, as Bode remarked (dizziness - even though we stayed and watched it). 

This week, the kiddos are on break.  We don't have a lot of plans. Today, we were going to visit the zoo with some school friends. But it's a very cold, rainy day and I didn't feel comfortable with Nico being out in it. So we went to OMSI again, and had so much fun exploring. We discovered a "water" room where the kids get to play in fountains, and splash and throw balls...it was absolutely perfect for Nico, who loves balls and water right now. Bode and Gianna enjoyed it, too. They also enjoyed a Tony Hawk skateboard exhibit, where they got to jump on a trampoline,  spin around, and walk and slide on a skateboard ramp (among other things).  It was hard to get the monkeys to leave but we had to get to swim lessons. 

I am exhausted! I am going to have to pace myself if I am to make it the rest of the week! 

The  babies love this window that looks out our front yard.  We decorated it for Valentine's (thanks to Aunt Dawnie).  Bode likes to climb on the ledge, so I have to be vigilant about watching him and telling him to "get down!"

Nico loves playing with the balloons ("boons" as he says) that I set out for Valentine's surprises.

This little monkey got up so early on Saturday morning (5:30 AM) and then while I tried to snooze, tricked her Daddy into letting her wear her Easter dress!  (I have been telling her that she has to wait until Easter before she can wear it.)

RWF has been traveling a lot.  He was home for the long weekend, and I think the monkeys really enjoyed having their "Dada" home.

It is nothing but rain, rain, rain here this week.  I need to figure out how I'm going to entertain these monkeys while they are out of school.  Of course, after today's successful visit, I think they'd be happy to go to the OMSI every day. Hopefully I can get the energy and motivation to explore a bit more. We have so much to see in our new city. I need to take advantage of our "big city" living while we are here!

Happy Tuesday.

xo

07/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode: collecting Valentines after school

Gianna:  resting with Daddy

Nico: after stomping in a puddle, decided to sit in it

Happy Valentine's Day

We started the day with balloons and breakfast.  Balloons are starting to become a Valentine tradition at our house. The children really enjoy them.  The balloons add just the right amount of fun and decoration, I think.

My love! Swooooon.

Fact: I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day.  I really despise all of the commercialism, and the actual commercials (with the "show someone that you reeeeeally love them, buy them...." ads), and find it kind of sad how grocery stores fill the front end of their stores with all the flowers, balloons, chocolates and red-themed, loved-themed items possible! And even more pathetic is how guys get the bad end of this deal, with advertisers 'chastising' the men to get their flowers and jewels to their women, or the guy is a 'loser.' Nice message for both the guy and the girl. Please! This is one holiday that could use some updating.

I don't mean to be a downer on a holiday!  We try to keep Valentine's light and fun, with the message being to appreciate the people in your life. 

Yesterday was a great end-of-school day (many days are not).  Bode actually told me that he wanted to stick around after school and play!  So that is what we did.  I unloaded Nico and Gianna from the car, and we all played outside.  It was a lot of fun to watch Bode interacting with his class.  He started out playing with two boys, climbing trees and rocks.  And then, he was in the middle of a group of girls - literally - they were playing this game called, "Who wants a hug?" I guess (?).  They all started singing, "Who wants a hug? Who needs a hug?" and then each girl (and boy) would join in the hug, until they were one giant group hug. It was very cute.  It was really interesting because the entire class stayed after school to play! It ended up being kind of like a big party. (Also, so funny how they can be in school together for hours and then all play together after school, at school!)

Speaking of, we made Valentine's for Bode's class last night. It was a last-minute deal. At the end of the play time yesterday, one of the moms reminded everyone that "we" were exchanging Valentines after school. This was news to me. Luckily, I had already run across a great idea on the internet that I had mentally bookmarked for another school year. I was able to assemble them pretty quickly.  I made them very simple (message) and hopefully, the kids will think they are fun. I want the kids in his class to know that we (I) appreciate how they've included Bode into their fold mid-year.  Bode's part was to sign his name.  He called it his "work," and when Gianna would say something about playing, he would say, "Not now, Gianna, I am doing my work" all business-like. It was a lot of work for him to concentrate and try to squeeze his letters (that he writes very large) into one small area. When he finally finished signing all 14, he sighed and said, "That was a lot of work!" So cute.

Happy day. And if this day makes you cringe, don't worry...it's almost over!
xo

Crafting her heart out

Mia Gianna spent a whole afternoon last week crafting Valentines for her friends and family.  

I helped her by cutting out hearts and writing her messages.  While she was crafting, I took pictures of her. I tried not to laugh as more and more marker got on her little hands, and on the end of her nose!  It was also so sweet to watch her use little mannerisms, like flipping her hair, or holding her chin in her hands and sighing as she thought about something. It was lovely watching this little girl put so much thought and attention into each card.

The design of each card, the colors picked, the sizes of the hearts, were all her ideas.  Each time that she started a new card, she would announce who the card was for, and then she would spend a long time coloring and crafting the card. After she finished all of her Valentines, I put them all out on the dining room table to dry.  We looked at them together, and I admired how she had made each one different. I told her that everyone is going to be so happy when they open the mail and find a Valentine from her.  She beamed, pleased with this news (and maybe, with herself).

Sadly, I have not put them in the mail. The snow we got this weekend kind of put a halt to my usual routines, like shopping and errands.  I am going to put them in the mail tomorrow.  Please know that Gianna made these Valentines with so much love, and I'm so sorry that I'm lazy and couldn't mail them on time!

Happy Tuesday.

xo

PS Bode made only one Valentine, for "the white-haired Grandma" (as he says). So Nana should feel extra special when she opens her mailbox and finds an envelope from Bode Wm! xo

06/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project. 

Bode: was so excited when snow started falling that he could not wait to get outside.

Gianna: has discovered my shoe stash, and has worn different pairs, off and on, all weekend.

Nico: playing the sock tree game (a game Bode and I made up when I fold laundry. I drape all the random socks on a "tree" (child) and the child tries to pull them off before I can drape them all on.

Flashback 02 10 2013

I haven't posted for the 52 project because I have temporarily misplaced my photos. Has this ever happened to anyone?  I've been searching all the photo files but can't find what I just uploaded. When I hit "Delete" did I really delete my photos? (What?!)

While I was searching for my recent pics, I came across a file marked, "02 10 2013." Realizing that was a year ago today, I  clicked on it.  Big mistake. I was then sucked into a time warp, viewing photos of my preshus baby:

Swoooooon.

I think he's saying, "Hello! I'm losing my balance because I can't sit by myself yet..."

That mouth.

Double swoon...my two boys.

Back when Bode used to call him Nicoras, with an R instead of an L.

That baby hand. And those two feet together.  Sigh.

I hope that you've enjoyed all this babypie goodness on this dreary Monday morning.  All things are still shut down here.  The schools are closed and businesses are operating on an as-needed basis, due to rain/sleet. Our street is still closed, but RWF ran out for milk and bananas. Unfortunately, he did not pick up ingredients for dinner. This means that we're having a whatever's-in-the-fridge dinner tonight.

Tomorrow, things will be back to normal (I hope). I need to replenish supplies and honestly, I just need to get out of this house.

Happy Monday.

xo

Snowmageddon 2014

Ai yi yi!  The snow here is unbelievable!  It is so beautiful outside, with the snow falling steadily and the wind (!) blowing it around our house.  I'm so glad that I don't have to be out there...though really, the city has shut-down completely. Everything has been canceled and everyone is asked to stay off the roads during this winter storm. Thursday night, RWF sat in his office forever (even though everyone  else left at Noon!) because he wanted to avoid all the traffic.  Late that night, after he had been home for a couple of hours, he got a couple of texts from colleagues, stating that their trip home from the office had taken over 4 hours!  That is some crazy drive time.  

Portland is not set up for this kind of weather, so everything has been pretty much shut down since Thursday.  RWF worked from home on Friday (as I'm sure most of Nike, Intel, and other businesses did).  Access to the main road from our neighborhood has been barricaded (because it's on a hill).  I had to run out to the store yesterday for milk & other essentials (I had taken a longer route around and gone to a store I normally don't shop at).  There were very few cars out and even those were creeping along so slowly. We still have snow tires on our 4 wheel drive car, so I felt comfortable driving (but was still safe, and I refused Bode's request to come with me, for safety reasons). The store had been ransacked, and had very little milk (!) and no bananas.  It just seems crazy.  (When I talk about this shut-down like, "I just can't believe how everything's shut-down, it's just a little snow...." RWF laughs at my know-it-all, "been-there, done that" attitude. Ha ha)

We are having fun though.  We have a steep hill in our backyard (it's actually a roadway/drive to the last house behind us) and we've broken out the sleds!  It has been so much fun sledding down the hill, over and over, with Bode and Gianna.  RWF and I both have taken turns going out with them.  Nico doesn't have any proper footwear, so he can't go out. I also don't want Nico out in the cold, It's not anything that he needs to be out in right now. 

Last night, I made chicken enchiladas, black beans (in the slow cooker), and rice for dinner.  We sat at the dining table in front of our big window with candles lit, enjoying the snow scene, each other's company and food, in our warm house. It was a very nice evening.

These pics were taken when it first started snowing. Bode was so excited and could not wait to go outside.  Priscilla was a very happy, bouncy dog, running around and enjoying the cool temps, too!

These photos were taken Friday afternoon:

Bode, my little dare-devil, would scheme all kinds of ways to go faster down the hill. Gianna went down by herself a couple of times, but preferred being with me. I felt like a kid, laughing and whooping it up as Gianna and I flew down the hill in the red sled. We got going pretty fast, and I would take my legs out to brake just as we neared the fence. Exhilarating!

Our only plans for the rest of the weekend are to stay home, stay warm and enjoy the slower pace of life.  We're not going out. There will be no skiing this weekend, either, because of the roads. I have enjoyed having my little family home together, "grounded" for the time being by the city and the weather. Life will be back to its regular pace on Monday, when the snow melts and everything goes back to "normal."

Happy weekend.

xo