Bode Wm: 47 months and Mia Gianna: 25 months

Here's the monthly recap for Bode Wm. and Mia Gianna. The changes are many but hard to remember. I think I need to take daily notes! (I do, mentally, but then when I sit down to write it out, I've forgotten). I'm putting my random thoughts down anyway. I imagine that after this month's recap, I won't be able to write them for awhile.

*****

Dear Bode,

You are definitely growing up and are a big boy, but you have got to stop looking so much like your daddy:

Okay, this is better:

Even better:

Today I was surprised when I looked down and saw that your feet actually can touch the ground when you are in the swing.  Suddenly, you are a long-limbed, energetic little running man.  I need to remember that you're soon to be 4, and need to be given free reign to run and play. You enjoy running up to random kids in the park and saying, "Hey guys..." You are all-inclusive and fun. 

Your new expression is, "I have no idea" as in when I ask you how the play room got so messy, you'll reply, "I have no idea how it got so messy." When I got lost driving to the park yesterday, I muttered to myself, "How in the world did I get so lost?"  and you answered from the back seat, "I have no idea how you got lost, Mommy."

You are remembering your dreams more and more. You'll sit at breakfast and say, "I am starting to dream about lions, Mommy" and then you'll tell me a scary dream about lions roaming the streets and eating cars. Sometimes you seem to be lost in your own little world of make-believe. You have these long narratives about a car, a planet or a skeleton (and honestly, I have a hard time following you). You're currently fascinated with planets. You sing the "Planets" song daily, if not hourly.

You are incredibly sweet. When someone in our family is upset, you're quick to give a hug and a kiss.  In fact, tonight, Gianna picked out this book to read. I knew it was mistake to even try to read it. I've never been able to read this book without crying.  But I started reading it, and immediately, I couldn't complete the words and my eyes were filled with tears.  I said, "I'm sorry, but I can't read this book."  Gianna was in my lap and not facing me.  You looked over at me, and your face became concerned. You immediately hugged me and gave me a kiss.  I sat there and cried, and then your eyes welled up with tears, which made me cry more.  I told you, through gaspy sobs,  that I was okay. I told you that this was a happy story and it made Mommy cry happy tears, because she is happy to be a mommy like the mommy in the book. I told you the story about how Aunt Melinda sent me this book when I was pregnant with you.  How I opened it in the kitchen in our house in California and non-chalantly thought, "Oh, a book for the baby. How nice." I started reading it and suddenly was on my knees, crying. It was really a book for me. I knew then what I had suspected as soon as I was pregnant with you: that motherhood would take me on an emotional journey every day.  That I would never be the same after I met you. 

I can think of a million more cliched lines about having you as my wonderful boy. But I'll stop now.   Happy-soon-to-be-4-years-old, my sweet boy.

Love,

Mommy

xo

Dear Gianna,

You are now officially 2, and you now tell people that you are 2 when they ask. You love your brother immensely.  You repeat every little thing that your brother says.  You are his adoring mimic (you know all the words to the "Planets" song, too).  You are his side-kick in the playroom, at the park, in the yard, in the tub...everywhere. 

You are testing boundaries (because you are, after all, 2) and love to tell me "No."  You think it's funny to run in the other direction when I'm coming toward you.

You hate having your hair brushed. But you love putting on lotion, washing your hands, and brushing your teeth. You are still very opinionated about what you will (and will not) wear.

Your favorite question is, "What's dat?" because you want to know about everything that you see. I forget how much there is still for you to learn.

I forget what a baby you still are, because you pretty much hang with your older brother Bode like you two are the same age.  But then there are times when you say, "Carry me, Mommy" or you simply want to sit in my lap. Or you simply ask, "What's dat?" and I'm reminded again that you are still my baby girl.

Love,

Mommy
xo

It's Friday, I'm in love

This time last year. (Say whut?)

Today is Friday and we have a long weekend ahead of us. Hooray!  I love the fact that RWF will be home with us for 3 whole days, and not just 2.

This baby is Gianna's fav, and she really gets around:

I think Gianna received this baby as a gift from her Nana when she was oh, 6 months old maybe?  She and the baby were almost the same size.  I love that it has become one of Gianna's must-haves. She carries the baby around a lot.  The baby in the pic above is in a Co-Sleeper.  I purchased it in panic-mode.  Panic-mode seems to be a regular occurrence with me lately. Panic-mode is, "Oh my gawd, what if I go into labor? We aren't ready!"

On Tuesday, I had an OB appointment.  The OB measured me and remarked that the baby was measuring small.  She decided to do an ultrasound to check on the baby.  This news did not sit well with me. And brought me into another form of panic-mode, the one that says, "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." We had to wait an entire day before I was able to get in for an ultrasound (obviously, the OB wasn't in panic-mode). Thankfully, the ultrasound showed a baby who is not behind in growth.

This sweet puppy dog has been making it outside more. I am so happy to see her prancing around her yard these days. And when she is not cavorting around, she is comfortable enough outside now to sit beside  me in the grass (until a fly buzzes by and then it's "See ya later, suckers").

I'm in love with our baby sitter, who, in addition to being totally awesome in Bode's and Gianna's eyes, made us eggplant and chicken Parmesan today.  When I came home from errands, the house smelled wonderful. The still-warm casseroles were sitting on the stovetop cooling.  I could barely contain my excitement when she suggested that we eat them for dinner tonight, and have left-overs for the week-end. My heart says, "Thank you, thank you."

These monkeys are growing so much. Bode has changed a bunch just in the past month. I can't explain it. It must be something with turning 4 in a few weeks. FOUR! I can't believe it. There's a part of me that is already sad, knowing that his birthday is around the corner and I will probably be too caught up with the new baby to do anything special for Bode's big day.  Maybe we can plan a party for later. Yesterday, he ran up to 2 boys at the park and started playing with them. I love seeing him do stuff like that.  I worry that he is not exposed to other kids enough. And really, I know that he is not around other children enough. But when he does stuff like that on his own, it makes me feel better (thank you, Bode!).  School starts up in a couple of weeks so soon he'll be with kids his own age again. 

Happy Labor Day weekend. And here's  hoping that there is not really any "labor" (literally) this weekend for us!

xo

36 weeks and thoughts on siblings

Anxiety over a new baby? Gianna at breakfast this morning.

I am 36 weeks.  I am feeling a little nervous, a little ready, and a whole lot tired!  I think I have done everything I can to "prepare" - as much as one can "prepare" when a family of 5 (P is definitely a beloved family member) is about to welcome another baby into the mix.  

This past week was unsettling, in that so many people would stop me and ask, with slight alarm in their voices, "When are you due?" At first, I thought it was my imagination. But then, it kept happening while my sisters were here, too, and they confirmed that people were definitely asking with some  concern in their voices.

When I was pregnant with Gianna, I was so worried about Bode. I felt sick and emotional that I was  ruining his little life. I felt like I had betrayed him. I would cry at night after I put him to bed. The day before Gianna was born, I took Bode to the park.  I sat with him, and watched him play, and all the while I kept thinking about how this was the last day that his life would be this way. The next day, his life would never be the same.  It sounds pretty dramatic, but I was very, very emotional about what I was about to "do" to Bode. And that is how it felt to me: I was doing something to him.  I knew that there would be positives (much later) but mostly, I was sick at the idea that my sweet baby boy was about to be sharing me, RWF, our home, our life...everything, with this new baby girl. And he had no idea, had given no consent, and had no say in the matter at all.

This time, Bode is almost 2 years older than he was when Gianna was born.  Bode is ready to meet his new brother. Bode will start school a week before the baby arrives, and I hope that he finds school a welcome retreat, and not an interruption to his new life with "Nichoras."

And now, it is Gianna that I worry about. It is Gianna I feel like I am deceiving, even though I've done what I can to "prepare" her (reading stories, talking about the baby in my belly).  She is a little older than Bode was when she was born, but not much. When I ask, "Who is going to be a big sister?" Gianna happily responds, "Me!"  But other than that automatic response, she has no clue about how much her world is about to be rocked. She is only 2, after all. Poor baby. But at least she will always be our little girl.

This is what I wanted: a big family.  I grew up in a large family and I love it. My thinking is, the more siblings, the better. But I had no idea what life had in store. And I didn't know the anxiety that I would experience every time I added to our brood. I didn't know about all the emotions that having children brings.  Everything increases. And it is all good. I am blessed.

Everything will be great. I have two wonderful children right now. And they will welcome this new sibling. And in time, I hope, they will all be super close.  If Bode and Gianna are any indication, then I have nothing to worry about.

Happy Wednesday.

xo

Sisters, Aunties

Gift for baby from here

This year, I had one of the best birthday presents ever:  my two sisters visited me us over the weekend!  I was so excited when they pulled up to my house on Friday!  We had a ton of fun just hanging out at the house.  It was Travers weekend in Saratoga - the biggest race weekend.  Saratoga was pretty crazy with people and events.  So we kept things simple - visited Congress Park, Bode and Gianna rode the carousel (and Aunt Claudia rode a horsey with Bode, too!), visited another park, and hit Starbucks several times for coffee talk. 

\

Bode and Gianna had a blast with their two aunts.  I learned something, too: my sister Claudia is a natural with babies.  She has 5 kids (and several grandchildren today), so she's got plenty of experience.  But I had never really seen her "in action" until this visit.  I loved listening to her talk to Bode and Gianna. And, Bode and Gianna loved playing with Aunt Claudia (who, it should be noted, also gives piggy back rides).  Claudia gifted Gianna a new baby doll that actually sucks on a pacifier and bottle (and coos).  Gianna is intrigued, but not so sure about this "real" baby.  I think it was a great gift, to get her "ready" for the newest member to join our house soon.

Claudia is so funny (and, fun), and I love hanging out with her because she always makes  me laugh (and, she tells it like it is, which is a quality I also love about her).

I am so happy that my sister Melinda visited us.  I have been distant from her since my mom died, just because we both are in an emotional space that requires distance.  I am too close to her, too close to the subject of my mom...so space is required, even though I love her dearly and can talk to her about anything. I don't know if that makes sense or not.  It really hasn't affected our relationship/closeness at all.  And I think this visit made things "safe" for us to begin talking regularly again. 

The last time Melinda saw Bode and Gianna, they were both babies. I mean, BABIES.  This is what a good sister Melinda is:  2 months after Bode was born, RWF had a business trip to Korea that he couldn't get out of.  I was a new mom, and a wreck.  I was sleep-deprived, terrified of this new 7 lb tiny creature that was ruling my life, had lost all confidence and ability to think clearly. After many tears and worry, I called Melinda 2 nights (!) before RWF was scheduled to leave and told her my issue.  She booked tickets that night, dropped everything, and flew out to California to help me (my mother came, too).   I don't know how I would have survived without her!

And my sweet sister Melinda gifted the baby a handmade crane mobile. She crafted the cranes and mobile all by herself. Isn't it beautiful?  I love all the colors she used.  Melinda made a pink bird for Gianna, and a blue bird for Bode. And, the buttons used are from BeBe, my maternal grandmother. It is very special, and I love it.  Right now, it is hanging in my kitchen, because that was the only available hook I could find (waiting on RWF to put a hook into the baby's room). Of course, after seeing it, Bode and Gianna want one, too. So Aunt Melinda will be using her origami skills again.

I can't convey how much this visit meant to me.  I felt so loved, having my two sisters take time out of their busy lives and flying from Texas to New York (a long trip!) to see me.  I was very sad to see them go.
Hug your loved ones today. And be thankful for family.
xo

Accomplishments

Today after a diaper change, Gianna insisted on putting her pajama pants back on by herself.  I was skeptical and impatient. And then I thought, "You know what? Let her deal. I've got other things to do."  I let her struggle with putting her little footies into the leg holes while I straightened the playroom. It took awhile, but she did it. All.by.herself.  Big accomplishment! (and might I add? --Bode has never shown any interest, or much ability, in putting on his own clothes. Boys!)

Today, Bode  discovered how to fly.  He races across the living room floor and then crashes into our sofa. This is him "flying."  Suddenly, he is into Spider-man and super heroes. I have no idea how he was introduced to these two subjects. We certainly didn't put them into his head.  But today, he is a flying super hero (when he is not busy playing with his cars).

Runnin, runnin....

Boom! (and Gianna & Hop Hop follow)

Today, as part of my "don't be a lame mom just because you're 24 months pregnant" campaign, I took the babies to the park.  When I was pushing Bode in the swing, he happily shouted, "I'm a SUPER HERO! I'm FLYING!" Gianna repeats everything that Bode says, so she became a flying super hero, too.  I chatted it up with one mom while we were there.  She is the mom to 5 kids.  I told her that she was MY hero, as I'd always wanted 5 kids.  As with any adult who only glances in my direction, I glommed onto her, and was soon chatting her ear off about babies and family-size. I told her how I wasn't ready to stop having babies, but all other signs (really, one, being RWF) point to No.  I became the Scary Woman in the park, the one to avoid, the One Who Shares Too Much. 

Mom of 5 was nice, and seemed to enjoy  (?) the convo, too. She had such a serene, motherly calm about her that I was immediately envious and taking mental notes (note: don't yell at your kids, smile and sweetly distract instead).  She had a 4 year old boy, and she introduced him to Bode.  Bode and Jack played together. I was  happy to see them play together. Bode needs a boy to play with;  I think Mom of 5 was happy, too, since Jack is the only son in her bunch.  

Today, our play room was expanded.  Yes, it appears that a whole entire room is not enough to contain the activity, noise, and traffic that is Bode Wm's world of cars.   Note to RWF: we need a bigger house. (ha! he'll love that)

Oh to be little again and lost in the world of cars play.  Instead, I have to clean and cook. We are having company for dinner tonight.  So despite any desire to lie down and sleep, I need to prepare food and house.
Today I want to have a clean house, and yummy, hot food on the table by 6 PM. Wish me luck!

Hope you have a SUPER (hero) Tuesday.

xo

Hanging around

Gianna loves accessories. And her babies.

This weekend, we had fun.  We went on numerous walks and park visits.  I have a lot of photos, because I keep thinking, in my emotionally demented way, "This is the last time that there will only be two of them!" I snapped a million (boring, normal) pictures of Bode and Gianna. But I kept switching from real camera to iPhone camera.  This post has some of the iPhone photos (sorry).

We have had some lovely crisp mornings.  "Crisp" being 48 degrees!  I put the babies in long-sleeved and pants pajamas (instead of short-sleeved, shorts pjs) and a fleece.  Then we head out the door to breathe the crisp air before it disappears.  Gianna loves heading out first thing in the morning, before breakfast. As RWF remarked, it's good because it gives them a chance to work up an appetite for breakfast.

Of course, by 9 AM, we are climbing into the 70s and 80s pretty quickly.  Here is Gianna modeling her Lilly Pulitzer dress. I was so happy to buy my daughter her very first Lilly Pulitzer! But.  Doesn't she look thrilled?  No, she's not. Because this dress is BLUE, and not PINK, she doesn't want to wear it.  And forget about the gold sandals, Mommy.  It's PINK Crocs all the way.  (ugh)

This morning, I felt so heavy and lethargic.  I stood in the hot, hot shower and thought of all the lame things we would do if I kept the babies at home (so that I could lie on the couch and feel very pregnant and not so sure I'd last until September 17).  And then I worried that I was causing brain damage to the baby with this hot,  hot shower so I quickly jumped out.  And that's when I decided that we just needed to keep moving forward until I am just "stopped" by labor altogether, or September 17, whichever comes first.

So we went to Congress Park and we rode the carousel (summer list - check).  We rode it twice, because I was feeling generous (and guilty from my lazy thoughts this morning).

And then we topped off the fun with a trip to the ice cream store (summer list - check).  This time, I noticed, I was not able to order plain ol' vanilla ice cream for Gianna (like I did last time we were at the ice cream store). Oh, no.  This time, she is old enough to know better. She marched into the store and scanned the ice cream case for herself.  And when Bode announced that he wanted "blue,"  Gianna announced that she would have "blue," too.  I was suprised that she didn't order "pink."  I'd like to think that my fashion conscious daughter was only choosing blue to color-coordinate with her summer dress. But the pink Crocs make me think otherwise.

Blue smile

I cooked some more "freezer meals" this weekend.  I have no more room in the freezer so my make-ahead meals are done (whether I like it or not).  I think the only thing I can do now in regards to food preparation is to book-mark a bunch of recipes to cook in a Croc-Pot.  If you have any yummy, make-ahead or slow-cook recipes, please share!

This weekend, I had a smallish list for RWF, pertaining to the hanging of pictures and other decorating/organizing/removal of items for the nursery and the shared bedroom. RWF and I discussed this weekend, and decided that a shared bedroom is on hold, for right now.  We'll leave things as is, unless something changes to make it seem like a good time to transition.

I still have a lot of other stuff that I want to get done before this baby arrives. But every little stop-me-in-my-tracks  twinge sends me reclining on the nearest sofa or bed.  I may not get everything done and I have to be okay with that. I am so not used to feeling this way. My other two pregnancies were so easy and I never  had any pain.  This pregnancy is different.  I hope that the little guy's just giving me a hard time, and not really planning on an early arrival.

Photo taken today  at Congress Park by Bode

Bode is more than anxious for his little brother to arrive.  This weekend, he told RWF and I, "When Nichoras gets here, we are going to play Tag and Hide-and-Seek!"  Sometimes I think Bode thinks more about "Nichoras" than I do. (Nah! not possible)

Happy Monday.

xo