Less is more, and more is more

a recent impromptu picnic on a hike, a time that I remember feeling happy and not stressed!

Things have been incredibly busy around here.  Crazy-busy.  The kind of busy that makes me want to shout, "Stop! I want to get off this ride!"  Our family has been humming along, but I  (we) have felt the effects of too much.  Too much activity, too much stress, too much...of everything.

For the children, I've cut all activities except school (ha!) and swimming.  This swimming session ends in a few weeks, and I'm going to cut swim lessons to 1 time per week.  The children enjoy being active but I can tell that they are tired.  Bode is now 6, and I worry about how life is going to speed up for him, once he hits "real" elementary school. I want to keep things simple for him, for Gianna, and for Nico, for as long as I can.

For me, I am tired of feeling tired.  My most common feeling, and my constant lament, is "I'm so tired."  I'm tired of being such a drag, and feeling like I'm...dragging.  I have yet to make a doctor's appointment for a check-up, but I will soon. I think things are catching up with me, again.  It's difficult to move and go through the motions of moving.  I think I go through the motions because I "have to" and then as a result, 6 months or so later, I crash and the effects of everything hit me. I'm finally starting to feel like we "live" here, and starting to imagine what that means for all of us, and what I want our life to "be" here.  I am also carrying my mother around, dragging her death behind me.  After my mom died, I went to a therapist, carrying baby Nico into the office with me each week. I didn't think I could continue seeing her, the therapist, because of everything else that was going on.  I remember telling her that I had too much going on, both physically and mentally.  I'll never forget her words: "You need to deal with this now, or it's going to come out later, in other ways."  I shrugged it off at the time.  But what she said was so true.  It keeps happening: anger, sadness, etc. Yesterday I was laughing my head off with RWF about something, and an image of my mother's memorial popped into my head, and I started crying uncontrollably.  "Why are you crying?" RWF asked, surprised at my abrupt swing. And I had to tell him that I thought of my mom (I didn't share the image).  Did he understand? Probably not.  I'm not being authentic, not to myself and not to anyone in my family.  I need to deal. Grief is the worst.

  

We (RWF and I) have been under a great deal of stress about our living situation (i.e., the house).  We have been struggling to find a house for our family.  I've been unhappy where we are at, but it might just be the place to stay. This subject's a bore, so I won't go into the details. It's something that we need to resolve.  There are other, more personal stressors involved, too.

That is one, and other, reasons I have not been updating the blog. It is the same (boring) issues and stressors.  Thankfully, the children are doing great, and growing like crazy in all kinds of ways. I need to get back to recording their personalities and funnies.  As far as the 52 project...I have been taking pictures weekly, but I have not been uploading them here. I cringe at the idea of trying to back-date all the photos in order. 

We are making some changes around here.  Hopefully, with the subtraction of some things, and the addition of some other things, life will be a bit more manageable. I hope to be back to recording our lives soon.

Happy weekend to you.
xo

Happy Birthday, Bode!

photo by Blue Lily

Dear Bode,

You are the big 6 years old now. Every day, we are amazed by your intelligence, sensitivity, and imagination.  Every day, we enjoy your happy smile. The past 6 years have been such an incredible experience for me and Daddy.  We are so lucky to have you in our family.  You radiate a calm, happy energy. You're FUN and have an imagination that rocks!  

photos by Blue Lily

Most of all, thank you for your love, Bode. You are the best.

Happy, happy 6th birthday, pumpkin.

We love you so much. 

Mommy
xo

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nico!

Photos by Blue Lily Photography. Thank you, Wendy!

Dear Nico,

Happy Birthday to you!

You are such a joy.

We love you so much!

xo

36/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode: loves watching science shows on TV

Gianna: no matter how many times or how well we brush her hair, it always ends up looking like some version of this

Nico: probably wondering, "Why did Mommy say NO (when I climbed up here on the fireplace)?"

First Day of School!

Well it has begun: a new school year. Same school, and the same classes.  Bode has his old teacher, Teacher Traci. Gianna has a new (boy!) teacher, Mr. Trent.  Some old friends, and some new friends.  It will be a great school year!

You can see from their sleepy, glazed expressions in these photos that school was kind of an abrupt change to their summer routine!  Plus, all the new faces around them in a familiar setting had their attentions.

They both had a really good first day.  They came home in good spirits, and tired! But it will be awhile, I think, before the reality of "school-is-the-new-norm" will sink into their heads.


The second day was just as startling. I had to wake them, and they seemed surprise when I told them to get ready for school.  We got Gianna into a pair of (new) pants. I guess, since she agreed to wear them this morning, that she is conceding that yes, it is indeed chilly in the mornings and we must dress appropriately!  Bode insisted on wearing the same outfit (???) as yesterday.  I washed it last night but we had to do a speed dry this morning.  Ugh, it was all tears and protests until I produced that *&#@ lightening bolt shirt and orange shorts from the dryer! Nico is the only one that is cheerful in the mornings. He loves going to school. Maybe it is because we take a walk through the farm and see chickens and goats after dropping Bode and Gianna! 

It will take awhile for our routine to become...well, routine.   I'll try to take more snaps and report more next week. Hopefully the children will get more sleep and look more rested over the next week!

I do hope that I will be able to blog more with the children in school.  Nico is not quite ready to nap in the mornings. He kind of dropped morning naps over the summer. But I'm hoping that he too will settle into a nap routine so that he can rest while his sibs are at school.  I missed reporting on our summer adventures (we did do a lot off our summer bucket list!) and I missed capturing milestones  and special events (Nico's milestones, and baptisms, in particular).  Hopefully, I'll be back to this blog regularly!

Hope that your back-to-school week has been fun!

xo

35/52

On Labor Day, we set out for Hood River.  But an emergency announcement on the radio told us that the highway was closed due to "police activity."  So we had to re-route ourselves.  After much bickering (I am directionally challenged, and can't read a map - not even an iPhone map - to save my life. This drives RWF absolutely freaking CRAZY.), we wound up at a place in the Southeast called Powell's Butte, a 608 acre nature preserve.  These snaps were taken there.

Monday night, we remembered to Google the "police activity" that had closed a long stretch of the highway: a gunman was on the highway, shooting at cars.  The gunman was eventually killed by the police after a stand-off.   (ACK!)

This day was a sad day.  It was the first time we had taken off on a walk without Priscilla in tow.  She has been ill, and is not able to join us on walks anymore. 

34/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.



Bode: Story teller. In the car on a long ride, he entertained us.  He has such a big imagination!

Gianna: Swimmer (almost).  Last 2 weeks of swim lessons for this summer!

Nico:  Explorer.  Loves walks, and finding things...and he walks for so long! I rarely have to carry him.

33/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014.  Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.



Bode:  I'm still enjoying the gap-tooth smile

Gianna: I love that she still has the toddler "chubbiness" to her limbs

Nico: an early morning hula-hoop session in his PJs

George Rogers Park

I guess I got embarrassed, writing about how lazy I've been and how we have not done much of anything this summer.  Realizing that we only have about 3 weeks of summer left, I guess I felt like kicking it into gear. 

Last Friday, we went to a new park to us, George Rogers Park.  I had heard of this park, because there was a "grand opening" and a lot of press written up about it a couple of months ago.  But I had no idea it was so close to us! It is right in our town, maybe 7 minutes away from our house. It's a park that's been on my (mental) list of things to take the children to, but I've never felt like seeking it out. 

I'm so glad that we went to this park.  It is brand-new, and has a lot of things for all of the children to play on and enjoy.

Sometimes, a park isn't geared for a range of ages, so someone (usually the baby) has nothing fun to do except watch his siblings run around having fun.  But this park had bucket swings (a huge plus):

and a slide that Nico thought was the perfect size for him, the little scamp (but I was not happy or comfortable with...so he went down it twice, solo, and then I took him elsewhere):

and a huge sand pit, which, euuuw (thanks, Dawn, for the edification so many years ago!), but they all enjoyed it:

and for the big ones, there were swings, climbing structures and fun things like this seesaw:

I didn't get many pictures of the big children playing on the playground because, quite honestly, I was playing on it with them! You know, just demonstrating how to use it. ;) 

I'm so glad that we checked it out.  We will be back. This week, we're back in the 90s again (ugh).  I need to just 'keep on keeping on'....before summer ends!

Happy Tuesday, friends.

xo

32/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.


Bode: lost his first front tooth this week, and finally agreed to a hair cut (love that smile!).

Gianna: learning to button (and wearing a sweater that cool summer morning)

Nico: went down the slide by himself (fearless!)

Keeping the summer (standards) bar low

Hello, August!  I can not believe that we are already in August, and that school is a month away!  I find myself pulling back, thinking of all the things I still want to do with the children while they are home.  We made a summer list at the start of the season, and we have only ticked off a couple of items.  Hopefully my summer laziness will end, and I will kick it in high gear so that we can have some fun times before the school routine starts. 

We have had such high temps lately (90s) and with no A/C, I wilt around high Noon.  In the morning, we have a leisurely breakfast, which involves a lot of coloring in between bites.  Then we go out, sometimes for a walk, or to a park but usually to the store for things we need.  Then, the afternoon lazies begin. Gianna has dropped her afternoon naps.  Bode hasn't napped for a couple of years.  So that leaves just 1 child napping in the afternoon.   I have gotten into a really lazy, really horrible habit of turning on the TV and letting Bode and Gianna watch a show every afternoon.  I usually nap beside them, or surf the internet.  It is just a poor excuse of time.  I also find that Bode and Gianna are usually whiney and irritable after watching 2 shows. They whine to watch more shows. "Just one more!" is what I hear as soon as I grab the remote. When the TV goes off, the crying starts.  I don't know what happens but I do know that TV viewing is just not a good thing!  So this week, I resolve: NO MORE TV.   

I did buy a tiny inflatable pool for the children.  They love it.  Bode and Gianna will get in and splash around for hours. (I won't put Nico in there because...I'm paranoid. I don't trust myself not to turn my back for a second. Nothing has ever happened in the bath or otherwise, but I don't want anything to happen..if you know what I mean.) I usually just sit in a lawn chair and watch Bode and Gianna jump in and out of the pool.  I will use the bubble wand for Nico, who just loves chasing bubbles, or squeals with delight when he is surrounded by bubbles.  Nico also loves playing soccer, as he is our most "sporty" child yet.

I have not been very productive this summer. What is my excuse?  I just feel so tired all of the time! That is my only reason. And maybe I am the tiniest bit intimidated with the 3:1 ratio, especially in large spaces, like museums, where one could get lost.

A part of me wants to keep things simple (walks, bubbles and a wading pool) and then the other part of me screams, "Do more! Get out! Show them the world!" etc.  I think that while they are all little, I think things should stay simple for as long as possible. (Yes?) 

xo

31/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014.  Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode: is suddenly into LEGO again.  

Gianna: pensive

Nico:  colors every morning before breakfast

Bode: first front tooth, gone!

Dear Bode,

Your front tooth has been wiggly, dangly, jiggly and just scary-looking-loose for about a month.  Sometimes, you remind me of a character on The Simpsons, because this front tooth of yours will jut out at a dramatic angle.  It makes me absolutely squeamish to look at this tooth. It has been a long month of me trying to school my face to "neutral" and not alarm you about your tooth.  And forget about brushing it! I was so nervous every time I put the toothbrush to that particular tooth, just waiting for it to go flying out at the slightest pressure.

Well, I am happy to report that the tooth fell out! This morning we went to the mall to do some back -to-school shopping for shoes.  We stopped at Starbucks afterward for a treat.  You were eating a ham/egg/cheese sandwich and you announced, "I think my tooth came out."  Well, I didn't react because you've been thinking that your tooth has come out several times over the past month.  But then you stuck your palm out, and there it was: your front tooth.

I smiled and congratulated you.  Then I gave you a hug, and while I was hugging you, I started to cry.  It made me feel so happy and so sad (at the same time) to see that tooth gone!  You are getting so big.  "Hey," you said, as a tear dropped on your cheek, "You're crying!"  I told you that I was only crying from happiness, because I was so happy for you.  You smiled big,  and that gap where the loose tooth used to taunt me? It looks so big and empty now.  

On the drive home, you kept poking your finger into the gap and telling me what you were doing.  We talked about how a big boy tooth was going to move into that spot.   I think you are really happy now that it's gone.  I think it was a bit of a preoccupation and a worry.  So now you are kind of relieved to get that out of the way. 

I'm going to enjoy your smile these days with your missing front tooth.  You've always had a great smile, and today, it is as beautiful as ever!

Love, 

Mommy

30/52

A portrait of my children once a week, every week, in 2014. Linking up with Jodi and her 52 project.

Bode: lounged in this awkward position for the entire TV show, wiggling his loose front tooth the entire time (also love that he still likes wearing his socks mismatched, intentionally!)

Gianna: enjoying the sprinkler slide on a hot afternoon

Nico: loves wearing my hats (and reminds me of another little guy who loved hats as a toddler)