How's Bode doing?

A lot of you have asked, "How's Bode doing?"  I guess he is doing better, but he has also been out of school for a whole week on winter break!  So I have to say that he did really well this past week.  I think he enjoys just being at home with his family. 

This week, he is back in school and I'm anxious to see how he feels over the week.  Will he just fall right back into routine, or will there be another round of new school resistance? I want to see if there is a difference in his mood/behavior/feelings.  This morning, there was a lot of "I don't want to go to school!" but it wasn't always said in all seriousness.

Yesterday, his teacher came over to our house for tea.  I was curious to know how Bode would receive this news/visitor.  I didn't tell him until we had finished our morning "routine" of dressing/breakfast, and he was having fun, running around the house.  Then I casually mentioned that maybe, just maybe, Teacher Traci would stop by and say Hello.  Bode completely paused, and I could see his mind turning this over and over in his head.  Finally, he asked, "But why would she come over here?" I told him that she would like to see him, and play with his toys.  He cried, "Bah! I don't want her to come over!"  but he was only being dramatic (as he is often times!).  Later, his teacher, Traci, walked into the house, said Hello to all of us, and then immediately sat on the floor with Bode and began building a spaceship with him.  They played together like that for about 30 minutes. Bode was very quiet but played "rocket" with her (or, around her).  I remember that it is very...unsettling, a little surprising...when you find out that your teacher does not "live" at school...that your teacher actually exists outside of school! So I just watched quietly while they played. After awhile, I mentioned muffins and tea, and Bode was up like a shot.  With muffins and tea, he became more animated (food, glorious food!).  We chatted about school, school friends, Portland, and what we had done on our winter break.  It was a nice visit.  Bode seemed calm and happy after Traci left.

There is a new development (hopefully temporary) that has occurred over the past few weeks: he is afraid of dogs.  

We have found this wonderful forest to walk in on the weekends. It is completely magical and reminds me of "Hansel and Gretel".  The pines are so tall, and the path leads up and away, with the trees forming a sort of alcove as you walk into the woods.  The first time we went there, we had a wonderful, strenuous climb halfway up the forest floor before turning back.  It is completely elevated and on a narrow trail, surrounded by ferns and the trees.  So we usually walk single file, or maybe 2 together because Gianna often wants to hold hands.  Bode always runs ahead and leads the way. He is very intent these days on being "first" in everything.  At the opening of the forest, there is a house, as a neighborhood has been built on the edge of the forest. In this house lives a man (and his family, I'm guessing) and his dog. His dog is large (but no bigger  than P), and ran out and greeted Priscilla.  The dog obviously runs freely and is "home" in the woods because s/he ran off with P, and the man didn't say or do anything about it.  That was fine.  The next time we were in the woods, we walked all the way up to the top. At the top, there is a bench to sit and enjoy the view.  There is also a huge boulder, which the children enjoyed climbing on and jumping off.  After we rested for a bit, we made our way down.  The walk took us awhile. I am always White Rabbit, worried about time, time, time because of Nico's nap.  So we made our way down.  I walk much more slowly because I wear Nico in a pack on my back. And because of the downward slope and the knotty, wooded forest floor, I had to be more cautious.  So RWF, Bode, and Gianna were almost to the end and I was still about halfway up.  I heard Bode say something, then RWF, and then a few minutes later,  through the trees, I saw two men and two small dogs (a Pomeranian and another small "short" dog) making their way up. Bode came running up to me, and then ran past me, back up into the woods. He was running fast.  I let him go up, thinking that it was taking me so long to get down that by the time he wanted to turn around, we would be together.   But then I thought about his face, and turned and called for him.  Something didn't feel right.  So I stood there and waited. "Bode!" I called again.  The men passed me with their dogs and I moved a little to the side.  Suddenly Bode ran down, right up to me and then he kept running. His face was...I can't describe it...but just briefly, so briefly, I saw something in his expression  again.  "Bode! Bode, come back to me! Wait! Come here!"  I stood waiting and then Bode returned to me.  I put my arm around him and "held" him still while I looked at him.  "What's wrong?" I asked.  I knew something was wrong. I just saw it. And I felt it.  And usually, I'm so impatient, so  worried about time, time, time.  I am usually barking at him to "Hurry up!" or complaining, "I have to go to the bathroom, let's go!" or "Nico needs to nap, hurry!"  But this time, I didn't. I held him.  And I looked at him and waited.  He mumbled, "It's just...nothing."  I thought about things, about where we were, what we had seen and then it hit me. I thought about him being alone on the trail, running, and running right up to those dogs. "Did the dogs scare you?"  He didn't say anything. He just looked out over the woods.  I hugged him and said, "Sometimes, dogs can run and jump and seem scary.  But they're just friendly, most of the time.  They are like P, right...they seem big but they are really nice inside...even small dogs can seem scary...."  And then he started crying. Big huge tears ran down his face and he stuffed his face into my jacket. I hugged him and said, "It's okay, it's okay...it's okay, Bode."  We stood there for a long time, and Bode just cried. So long that RWF had made his way back up and asked, "Is everybody okay?"  Bode hid his face in my side and I said, "Yep! We are on our way."  I didn't say anything to RWF then. I felt like what had happened was private. 

Right then, I felt like something special had happened.  It was intuition. I knew that something was wrong with Bode and I responded.  For once, I didn't yell or cajole; I didn't tell him to hurry.  I stopped and I responded to Bode, to his feelings, instead of worrying about my own agenda. And I felt...well, I hate to say it, but honestly, I felt validated and right. I had done something right for my baby.   I was sad to see his fear, but happy that I had "seen" his fear, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, the fear of dogs is still present.  It is not a full-on terror or stop-him-in-his-tracks fear.  He is very aware of dogs and doesn't like going on walks these days. He will walk with us, but he often qualifies it with, "I don't like this place because there are dogs here."  We talk about dogs and how there are friendly dogs: P, Kelly, Maddie, Zoey, and Henry.  We talk about how to give dogs space and to say "hello" to dogs by always asking the grown up if we can pet the dog (if we want to). We focus on the positive and just try to give Bode room to express his fear (while gently nudging him forward).

He is doing a little better at bedtime. There is not so much "I don't want to go to bed," as there is just the usual horsing around before bed.

Swimming is a constant struggle. And by "constant," it feels continual as they have swim lessons twice a week.  So twice a week, I have to do "battle" with Bode and get him to put on his suit, get ready for swimming all the while hearing, "I don't want to go swimming! I don't like swimming!"  Argh. It is such a drag.  But I feel (and RWF feels) that learning to swim is very important.  It is a necessary skill. They are in good lessons here, and we want them to learn. So twice a week, I struggle with something else besides school (swimming).  He has a great, patient swim teacher and I really hope that soon, swimming will be fun. Luckily, Bode hasn't shown any real fear about the water (like some kids do) but he is resistant to the lessons. Maybe if I can find a story on swimming, it will help Bode to view the lessons differently?

This week, we have started reading "James and the Giant Peach" by Roald Dahl.  Bode absolutely loves this book!  It is so fun to read it with him because he just sits quietly and listens. I can tell that he is really enjoying it and every time I close after a chapter, he begs me to read more,   "Please! Read one more chapter!" and I usually do, because we need to know what happens next!  And isn't that a wonderful book, the kind that makes you want to keep reading?  

So for those inquiring minds that really want to know, I think Bode is doing good. He is learning that we sometimes have to do what we don't want to do (new school) and that sometimes things in life are scary (darkness, dogs) but hopefully, he knows  (and will learn) that his family will support him through these things (and more).

Happy Monday, friends.

xo