Lately

We are still here.  

Last week, I felt like I was losing my mind.  It's been hard, these past few weeks, with a lot going on.  I've been telling RWF all summer, "I need a break." Well my break finally came. The babies spent two nights at "Camp Dawnie" where they enjoyed oodles of attention from Uncle Craig, Aunt Dawnie, Aunt Debbie and Grandma. They went to the zoo, out for breakfast, to the park, etc.  I think they also enjoyed sugary snacks and TV.  Awh, camp! They had a blast and smile every time I ask them, "Did you have fun?" As for me, I missed them like crazy. I was tearful, and thinking about them constantly. The house was too quiet. There were many moments when I considered just packing Nico up and driving over to Syracuse to pick up my other two babies. But then I told myself that this break was very much needed, and I would probably not get another chance for "alone" time, as school is starting soon.  So I tried to tolerate the quiet and missing my children. I think Nico enjoyed "only child" status, but he is thrilled to have his sibs back.

I have some anxiety about school.  I'm so glad that Bode is going to a private school right now.  Today we drove by the public elementary school that he would attend, and it looked huge. I can only imagine that the class size is as enormous as the school.  Afterwards, we went to the park (attached to the school) and the children played on the playground while I watched, standing beside Nico (in his stroller).  Bode and Gianna were up on a slide structure, high up.  And as I looked at them, I saw this boy push Bode.  I blinked.  I thought, "Surely I did not just see that kid push my son."  But yeah, he pushed him. He pushed him again. This boy was Bode's size, so I don't think he was older (does it matter? No.). Bode just stood there, and kind of looked at him.  I could tell Bode didn't know what to do, and wouldn't do anything to challenge this kid. Then this boy pushed Gianna.  And after he pushed her, he stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her and picked her up.  He stood there, with his arms wrapped around her, lifting her...what he was going to do, I don't know. Gianna was rigid in this boys arms, her feet not touching the ground. She didn't say anything but her eyes were looking around, looking for help.  "HEY!" I yelled and ran over there. I climbed the structure and got real close to him. "HEY! LET GO OF HER NOW."  I nearly ripped his head off. I was thisclose to becoming physical with this kid. I could NOT believe what I was seeing and my blood was boiling.  He stood there and looked at me.  He didn't blink.  But I could see a ripple of attention behind his face.  I took a breath (I was seriously about to LOSE IT) and  sharply hissed, "Don't ever do that again.  Not to her. Not to him. Not to anyone."  And then I remembered my children. They were staring at me, scared.  I said, more calmly, "We don't push. It's not nice. Someone could get hurt. Especially up here."   Bode found his voice, and echoed, "Yeah, we don't push."  Gianna repeated, "Yeah, we don't push." The boy still stood his ground, as if to let me know that he wasn't impressed. I turned around, and found the boy's mother, her face hidden behind huge sunglasses, tucked into her iPhone, oblivious.  "Hey!" I yelled, "Your son just pushed my children!"  She looked up, and weakly called toward him, "Don't do that!"  The boy ran over to her. They had a brief exchange, and then  he was off again. I stood there, my whole body shaking.  How in the world do I release my children to this?  I know that I can't control everything and everyone. I know that my children can't live in a bubble. But the idea that my children are going to be subjected to mean behavior, to this....oh, it rattles me. 

As for the rest of the summer (we still have over 2 weeks until school starts), I don't know.  I will try to pack in some more park days (hopefully without mean behavior), gardening, farmer's market trips, etc.I guess we will just enjoy the schedule-free time that we have right now.  

Happy Wednesday.

xo