The past few days, I've dropped Bode and Gianna off at school, and then cried all the way home. I told my SIL last night that Bode "makes or breaks" my day. He is stressing me out. He doesn't enjoy school, and argues all morning about why he doesn't want to go. Mornings are stressful no matter how hard I try to be matter-of-fact and easy going. After school, he's hungry and tired. He doesn't want to talk about his day. He is literally climbing the walls in this house and stressing me out with each climb. RWF has had to move the furniture twice already. Bode does not want to be here, inside, this house. This is despite being outside all morning and an afternoon excursion with me, Gianna, Nico and Priscilla. At night, he cries when it's time for bed. He tells me that he doesn't like sleeping. He stays up late, talking to Gianna and "reading" books. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night after a bad dream and wakes me, asking me to tuck him in.
Where did my happy little guy go? We moved, and now I've got this sullen, unhappy boy on my hands. I'm so stressed. And angry. And I don't know what to do. I lay awake at night, going over the day and thinking about Bode. I'm always thinking about Bode, what went wrong, what to fix, how to make things better. Then I get up again and it's the same thing all over.
RWF reminds me that I keep doing the same thing, expecting different results. But what to do I need to do different?
I'm looking up eye pillows. I'm exhausted and my eyes are so tired. I remember how great those eye pillows felt during savasana in yoga. I need that. So I'm ordering. At least this way, my eyes will relax while I'm stressing about Bode!
Today we have an interview with another school. I hope that Bode likes it. On the application, under the "describe your child" section, I had written what a "happy" boy Bode is, and so much fun to be around. It will be interesting to see if Bode acts differently at this school, and how he responds to the teachers "interviewing" him. Fingers crossed that he likes it.
I only hope that my happy little guy shows up soon.
Where's my happy little guy? I miss him so.
xo
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