Knock, knock

I think I've kept my feelings undercover here. But I must confess I have been down for so long. And I have been a terrible mother this past year because of my mood(s). This week, despite a solid month of sleep deprivation (!), I have felt joy around my children. It's hard to explain (and embarrassing) to admit that I've been down, when I have these wonderful babies to live with and love. But I have not been myself. But recently, I have gotten glimpses of my old self and how I used to just enjoy simply "being" with my children. I have felt lighter, more present, and more playful. The fog lifted a little this week, and it made me so happy and thankful!

Who's there? Mr. Funny Guy, that's who.

Kindergarten has opened a lot of doors for Bode...physically (he's soooo active and physical) and emotionally (he is needy/tearful...perhaps it's hard for him, this stretching to be a big boy at school, so when he comes home, he needs extra love and attention?).  And, he is just funny! This morning, he decided he was a volcano as he dressed into a t-shirt ("I'm....erupting!" he shouted as he pushed his head through the neck hole). He has also discovered knock-knock jokes. It started this morning at breakfast, when he announced, "Knock-knock..." And when I asked, "who's there?" he was so delighted! "How did you know!" he demanded, surprised that I knew this joke. All through breakfast, we exchanged knock-knock jokes. It made us both happy, as if we were speaking a secret language. BTW, I was worried about knowing knock-knock jokes, and immediately reached for my phone to Google "knock-knock jokes for 5 year olds" but stopped and made up my own. As I suspected, no, they don't need to make any sense right now for Bode to laugh.

Pumpkin

Gianna is a combination of absolute sweet-babyness and absolute sass...which I guess is pretty normal for a 3 year old?  She is so excited for Halloween. We have her costume all set. Spoiler alert: store-bought and completely unoriginal (but she is thrilled). I hope (fingers crossed) that we can go trick-or-treating this year. It seems like something always happens to prevent the fun!  Gianna is loving the word, "No" lately and I'm having to curtail my automatic Mother-is-always-right response of "What did you say?"  I have learned that with her, it is sometimes better to just let her say "No," and work around it.  She is having a lot of fun at  school. She enjoys her girlfriends, Ava, Ann-Sophie, and Katie. She sees Ann-Sophie at gymnastics, too, so they have a closer relationship. I am amazed at how "girly" Gianna is, and how it is just...innate. She loves dressing up, all things pink, and her babies. She has also taken more interest in Nico, wanting to feed him, give him his baba, and giving him hugs.

No sleep, but who can resist this face?

Nico is doing good, despite a horrible, erratic sleep "schedule" (or no "schedule" really), teething, and challenges with dairy (that I wrote about earlier). We are now giving him almond milk, on the advice of a nurse. The goat milk was just not getting drunk. He was drinking 2-4 oz a day. He is supposed to be drinking 16-24 oz a day! So I was starting to panic, thinking he was becoming malnourished. The nurse assured me that he was not malnourished but suggested that we try almond milk. Almond milk is sweeter, and Nico is now drinking 10 oz a day. He is still not really taking a bottle or sippy cup. Baby steps! All I can do is offer and then smile, when he violently throws the baba to the ground. I have found the easiest way to get him to drink is to give it to him while we are in the car. Maybe the reclined position of the car seat and lack of anything better to do helps? He  is teething, and he is sick, so sleep has been in small increments. It is maddening, but I just remind myself that he is not feeling good. Still, it is so hard for me to get up 2-3times a night, and then be up by 7 am and be pleasant to the rest of my family! As my friend Kristi reminded me, sleep deprivation is a form of torture.  (amen!) 

Yesterday, in a fit of good cheer, I proposed that we make pumpkin bread.  We actually looked around and found a recipe for pumpkin chocolate chip muffins that sounded yummy. So we made that (and a big mess...but it was worth it).  It has been a long time since I baked with my babies. We had fun.  I didn't mind when they skeedaddled, leaving me to clean up the batter dripped on the counter and the flour over everything. The pumpkin chocolate chip muffins are delicious! I highly recommend them, especially with a strong cup of coffee (obviously not the coffee for the babies). 

After a lame dinner of chicken breasts, steamed rice and broccoli, it was time for swimming. I was so nervous because it was going to be my first time taking all 3 babies out at night, to the Y so that Bode and Gianna could take their swim lessons.  I got everyone into the car on time and then I went up to the door to grab my jacket and hit the garage door opener.  The garage door started opening with a long, high pitched squeal....and then it stopped halfway.  I hit it again. The garage door went down. I hit again. The garage door squealed its high pitched noise and stopped halfway again.  I did this a few more times.  What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.  Well finally, Bode yelled from the backseat, "Mom! I know what you can do! You can call somebody!"  Hmm. Great idea, Bode. But really, there was nobody to call.  I stood there and hit the button one more time. No go, joe.  So I walked down to the car and admitted defeat. I sadly told them that we would not make it to swimming tonight. I was worried, because they love swimming with a passion, and looked forward to it all day.  But they were okay. They got out of the car easily enough (well, after I promised that they could watch a show in lieu of swimming).   So we were stuck at home last night.  So, another issue to deal with tomorrow....

I am happy that it is the weekend. RWF and I have a date afternoon planned (though I would love to take the 3 hours for a sitter and use it for just sleeping!), and hopefully we will carve pumpkins.

Happy weekend.

xo