Dear Nico,
The big news is, you've stopped breastfeeding. Woo hoo! I love you more than anything but the breastfeeding, especially after 12 months (and beyond!)...not so much. It has been a rough month, in the breast feeding department. You've been a bit emotional with me. You want to be held a lot. It was hard for you to stop something that was so natural for your whole little life. The nighttime bedtime routine has been altered dramatically. And yes, we've hired baby sitters strategically-timed for those nighttime routines to stop. I've been very emotional, too. The crying at night has been brutal for me. When your "Dada" is home, I've had to ask him to help me. He's had to tell me that you're okay, that you're not going to be damaged, and that yes, you are ready to stop. He's had to assure me that I'm doing the right thing, that everything is okay and that yes, it is time. Over and over. I need to hear it all the time because my mind & heart make me doubt my decision. Your daddy has to go into your room in the early morning hours to soothe you, because I can't. I have felt so mean to you, avoiding you and avoiding our usual routines. I feel like a traitor and a mean mommy. I feel like you look at me and can't believe that I would do this to you. I know that this is partly my mind & emotions at play here. It took a long time, but we finally got over the hump. It was also hard for me to stop because it is such a huge END to my time as a (breastfeeding) mother. And while I'm happy to be "free," I'm also sad to say goodbye to this time in my life (forever!). The END.
But enough about me. You're doing great. You are still drinking lactose-free milk. But you're eating cheese and not having any horrible reactions. So that makes me think that one day, you'll be free to drink milk and eat cheese, ice cream and all the other yummy dairy goodness that lies out there for consumption.
You love looking at yourself in the mirror, recognizing that it is you, and not just another baby. You call yourself "Day." When you see yourself in the mirror, or if I show a photo that you're in, you'll point, smile, and say, "Day!"
When you wake up in the morning, you call for me, "Mama, mama..." and when I come into your room, you announce, sometimes sullenly, "go night-night" as if to say, "Okay, I did it, I slept. Now let me get up now."
The book, "Goodnight Moon," by Margaret Wise Brown, is your latest obsession. You will find it and then find me, and say, "ree" (read). You always smile and laugh at the same places, and you look at me each time you do, like we share a secret. If I read it once, I have to read it a dozen times, because as soon as I close the book, you say, "Again." When I insist that I have a million things to do, as I did this morning, you cry. And I relent, again, doing a speed-reading version, "inthegreatgreenroomtherewasatelephoneandaredballoon..." because I can't say No.
I love that you love a good book, and I look forward to reading many more with you.
Happy 19 months.
Love,
Mommy
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