Because I couldn't process that it was my mother's birthday yesterday, because I didn't want to think about her (and the accompanying ache), or dwell on loss, I didn't. I intentionally didn't think about it being her birthday. I didn't think about what I have lost. I didn't think about what she has lost, or what she is missing out on.
I didn't. But then, I really did.
And later in the evening, during the children's bath, I had a fit of "I need to do something to acknowledge my mother's birthday." So I ran upstairs to the children's rooms. I pulled out their new Halloween pajamas. "Hey guys!" I announced as they splashed in the tub, "You're going to wear your new Halloween pjs tonight!" They were so excited, they clamored out of the tub with shrieks of "Oooh! Halloween pajamas!" as if I had announced there would be ice cream.
My mom would be pleased, I think, to see how excited her grandbabies were to don new Halloween pjs on her birthday. And I think that this may be a new tradition, a new way of acknowledging my mother and saying, "Happy Birthday" to her. My mother loved all holidays. But she really loved Halloween (just as I do). So I decided last night that I'm going to move forward on celebrating Fall and Halloween. We'll decorate, we'll visit a pumpkin patch, we'll do all things Fall. Hooray. And hooray for a mother who showed me how to celebrate the holidays, and any other day "just because."
Because life is worth celebrating.
xo
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